


Come to Me

by Starbird



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016), Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Awkward Conversations, Awkward Sexual Situations, Because the Moodboard Requires It, Brothels, But Don't Worry There's Consent, Cassian Believes in Universal Healthcare, Cassian Makes a Friend and is Protective of Him, Conflicting Feelings, Coruscant, Denial of Feelings, Dirty Talk, Eventual Smut, Everyone's Interested in Cassian's Sex Life Except Cassian, F/M, Fake Lovemaking, Faking It for the Rebellion, Feelings Realization, First Kiss, First Time, Friends to Lovers, Heavy Angst, How Ever Shall We Survive, I Watched Too Many Netflix Documentaries and This is What Happened, In Which Cassian Wears a Space Hoodie, It Wasn't Supposed to be This Slow I'm So Sorry, Jealousy, Jyn Still Doesn't Know Her Effect on People, Like We HAVE to Touch Each Other for This? Oh NOOOOES, Massage, Masturbation, Mirror Sex, Misunderstandings, Mutual Pining, Not All Imperials are Total Assholes, POV Alternating, Questionable Security Systems, Rough Sex, Secret Conversations in Tight Spaces, Sex Workers with Agency, Sharing a Bed, Slow Burn, Some Based on Research, Some Made-up Brothel Culture, Touching for the Mission, Undercover As Prostitute, Undercover Missions, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Upgrading to "Extreme Slow Burn", Women Supporting Other Women, girl talk, love quadrangle, mutual possessiveness
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-19
Updated: 2018-08-23
Packaged: 2019-04-25 03:23:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 33,473
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14369835
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Starbird/pseuds/Starbird
Summary: A month after the Battle of Scarif, Jyn and Cassian are sent undercover to a brothel in the Coruscant Underworld -- not a nice place to be. Their mission: to serve as a drop for other agents deep undercover working to take down the Empire. Cassian is serving as The Heartmoon Club's "silencer," an enforcer of the rules who protects the brothel at all costs. Jyn, theilasha, "The One Who Cannot Be Touched," is Cassian's gift to the brothel. It is a role specifically chosen for her so she will not have to cross the line for the Rebellion. They're forced into cramped spaces every few nights to debrief on what they know, and all around them, the sounds of pleasure, while they struggle to work out how they feel about each other, when they can't get a moment to themselves to justbe.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [thereigning_lorelai](https://archiveofourown.org/users/thereigning_lorelai/gifts).



> As a small token of thanks for her gorgeous moodboards, constant support, and sweet friendship on the other side of the world. Ich liebe dich! <3

Jyn

“Hey, sweetness. Wake up. You’re late. Time to get moving.”

Jyn Erso, hero (savior) of the Rebel Alliance, pulled the silky sheets and thin coverlet over her head in a futile attempt to block out the voice, the person attached to it, and the daylight outside her small window. It was stupid, she knew, and it also went somewhat against her undercover role. As the _ilasha_ of The Heartmoon Club, it was her job to be visible as much as possible, holding court over the other prostitutes at the brothel, flirting with the clients, and keeping interest going.

This was a role Jyn Erso had absolutely no interest in playing, and one that did not even remotely come naturally to her.

Luckily, the _ilasha_ – which translated to “The One Who Cannot Be Touched” – was also allowed some latitude at her brothel, and occasionally oversleeping her oh-nine-hundred alarm did her no harm.

Her commanding officer didn’t agree.

“Come on, princess,” the voice said, nearer now as the person came closer to her bed. Jyn turned her head away and burrowed down further into the covers. At least she was comfortable. There were worse assignments, but not to her.

High Command disagreed. They thought Rogue One needed a break.

Jyn didn’t mind the idea of a break, given everything the team had been through, but she had not envisioned “undercover as a prostitute” to be her _break_.

“I _said_ , get _up_.” The covers flew off her, and Jyn curled up even tighter into her ball, keenly aware of what she was wearing and who was seeing her in it. Clothing rustled as her intruder crouched next to her bed. Fingers brushed her hair back from her face. A hand cupped the top of her head, and she felt his breath.

“I know you don’t want to do this,” Cassian Andor whispered quickly in her ear, “but you know we have to. Get through today and then tomorrow, then tomorrow again. Just keep going. You’re doing great.”

Jyn moved out of his grasp toward the edge of the bed, the slick fabric of her tiny tank top and shorts sliding against the slippery sheets. She swung her feet to the floor and stood, then came around the bed and headed to her closet. Cassian looked up at her from the floor, his face as blank as always. For the last two weeks, she hadn’t seen any other expression besides that. That was his role, as The Heartmoon’s silencer. He was their head of security, a necessary role here in one of the seedier parts of the Coruscant Underworld. Jyn had never been to this level, and she’d had no reason to go before. She wished she didn’t have a reason to go _now_. But General Draven had sent them, at the suggestion of some moron junior Intelligence officer, and so here they were. For no reason other than to serve as an info drop for other Intelligence agents on-planet who were deep undercover looking for ways to take the Empire down.

It was a terrible idea, and after two weeks of it, Jyn felt she could do no more. It had only been a month after the Battle of Scarif when Draven had sent them out. It was almost like he wasn’t sure what to do with them. Cassian had barely been cleared by medical when Draven decided an undercover mission was perfect for him, and that the Blackout Region was a brilliant idea, and Jyn could go along, too.

Jyn detested the general more and more each day.

Cassian stood from the floor. “Wear something nice,” he said gruffly. “Supposed to be a busy day.”

“Always,” Jyn replied, moving hangars around in the small closet.

“Holiday. People are celebrating.”

Jyn decided on a sleek black dress and put her hand on it.

“Not that,” Cassian said, plunging his hand in between the skimpy fabrics and grabbing a different one. “This one.”

Jyn’s fingers clenched on the wide shoulder of the black dress. She knew he’d choose that one for the holiday celebration – and that he wouldn’t want her to wear the one she always went to, the “safe” one.

 _“You can’t hide behind it,”_ he’d said one night when they met to exchange information in her cramped refresher. _“You wear it too much.”_

 _“Is that a problem?”_ she’d fired back, fists clenched. They were so close in the tiny room that her knuckles brushed his thighs as her hands shook with anger.

“Yes,” he’d replied in exasperation. _“You are the_ ilasha _, Mia. The most desirable, the most beautiful, the woman every man stares at and wants just five minutes – ”_ He broke off and looked down, shaking his head. _“I can’t do this alone.”_

 _“I know you can’t.”_ Jyn’s reply had been gentle, and the anger had drained out of her. She’d reached up to lay her hand across his arm, buried beneath a bulky, hooded shirt made of a thick fabric and designed to conceal his body and weapons. He’d nodded, and they’d understood one another once more, silently, as they always did.

Jyn’s eyes took in the green dress Cassian wanted her to wear. He’d never been undercover in a brothel before (thank the Force), but he was highly competent and had spent every available minute before they left prepping for the mission. He knew what to do. Exactly what to do. Jyn seriously doubted he’d actually gone to one _himself_ as a customer, except for a mission if Draven ordered it. The thought was laughable enough (Cassian Andor at a _brothel_ ) that Jyn actually snorted as she took the dress from the hanger.

“What?” Cassian asked.

Jyn gave a short shake of her head. “Nothing, just… You, at a brothel.”

He drew back, and Jyn glanced up to find the _barest_ hint of color in his cheeks. And narrowed eyes, furrowed brow. “Mia.”

It was out of character for both Mia and his alias, and she probably should not have said it. Jyn shrugged and turned from the closet. “One does wonder,” she said over her shoulder in Mia’s less refined accent, tossing her hair to get in character as she strode away to the ’fresher.

“I wouldn’t.”

The tone of his voice, the way it made even the air in the room stand still, made Jyn stop dead. She turned around again, her face losing all its mirth. “Only joking,” she said, still Mia. “I meant nothing by it. Honest.”

He couldn’t have thought she was _serious_.

But then, what did she know? She didn’t know the man, and her first assignment with him after nearly dying with him (in his arms, which she was resolutely not thinking about) was to go to a kriffing _brothel_.

She couldn’t _wait_ to get home to punch Draven.

Jyn stepped into the ’fresher, and Cassian soon joined her. She opened her mouth to protest, but he said, “It laces up the back.”

Right. She’d forgotten. She avoided wearing this one as much as possible, but he…liked it on her. _It gets you the best information. That’s what we’re here for._

That wasn’t what it meant to her.

There were no cameras in the ’freshers, but they left the door open anyway so no one would get suspicious if they watched the recording. All they’d be able to see was Cassian’s back, mostly, because as usual, he stood in such a way that he shielded her from view as much as possible. From behind, it looked as though he were as bored as ever, leaning against the doorjamb, arms crossed, waiting for a whore to get dressed, eyes on her if he so desired. But Jyn knew better.

He would never do that to her.

He would never look at her that way, never objectify her, and he would never touch her.

Except when he had to.

And sometimes he had to. Sometimes they _both_ had to.

As he began to pull the laces tight on the dress, his hands sure and steady, Jyn remembered back to the night they’d first come to The Heartmoon Club.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jyn’s memory of the night she and Cassian infiltrated The Heartmoon Club, as well as how the mission started.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> USSSTTTT

_Jyn_

_3 weeks ago_

_That brown-noser Lieutenant Medrian suggested using the extensive brothel network in the Blackout Region as a way to keep in touch with the Rebellion’s spies who were deep under on Coruscant. (“Why would he even_ think _of that?” Jyn had asked Cassian. “I don’t want to know,” had been Cassian’s terse reply.) Draven had deemed the idea brilliant, and Medrian had gloated all day about it – much to Draven’s annoyance, which, then, led to Kaytoo’s own sense of smugness. After overhearing Cassian say something less than professional about his colleague in Festian (Jyn still had no idea what he’d said; Kay hadn’t translated), Kay had taken it upon himself to track Medrian’s movements and report back to Cassian until the day he and Jyn had launched._

_The entire group was happy to be parted from one another at that point._

_The Heartmoon Club, along with half a dozen other brothels in this cultural region, happened to have a need for both an_ ilasha _and a “silencer.” The current_ ilasha _has been promoted to Lady – the brothel owner’s official lover. She was a retired prostitute who ranked even higher than the_ ilasha. _The former silencer had gotten himself killed doing something stupid. For Jyn, the position of_ ilasha _was perfect, because it meant that she could be undercover without having to actually sleep with anyone. As_ ilasha _, all she basically had to do was look good, flirt with men, and tell others what to do. She wasn’t necessarily good at any of these things, but she could be aloof, so Medrian, who hailed from the planet with the_ ilasha _history, said she was a perfect fit._

_“And the silencer?” Cassian had asked, arms crossed._

_“Head of security,” Medrian mumbled back, smacking his palm against the side of his malfunctioning datapad. “You go in with Jyn – ”_

_“Sergeant Erso.”_

_“ – she’s your gift to the brothel, they take you in if they like what they see – ”_

_“They will.”_

_“ – you shake some folks down if you got to, she takes our agents back to her room for intel, that’s it.”_

_Jyn and Cassian had exchanged looks. “And if someone actually wants to purchase her services?” Cassian asked. Medrian shook his head, frowning over the datapad._

_“They can’t afford her, I said,” he replied, and flicked the screen with a finger. “‘Error 463B-2A: Reset diagnostic sequencing.’ What the…?”_

_“And if they can?” Cassian pressed._

_Medrian sighed and put the datapad away on his belt. “They shouldn’t be able to. That’s the point of the_ ilasha _. She cannot be touched. She’s too good for the ordinary folks who frequent those brothels.”_

_“So why bother having her there at all?”_

_The younger officer shrugged, his eyes flicking to Jyn and staying there a moment. Cassian took a half-step forward. “Lieutenant?”_

_Medrian’s eyes snapped back to his face. “To be pretty. To be looked at. To bring in the money. People fantasize about being with her, but they can’t be. You know how we men are.”_

_Cassian scoffed._

_“And you’re sure I won’t be bought?” Jyn asked Medrian._

_He shrugged again, fingers toying with a loose string on his pants pocket. “I can’t be_ entirely _sure, but yeah, you should be okay. The odds are pretty high you won’t be.”_

_Jyn narrowed her eyes and leaned into him, unimpressed, watching as he shrank a little despite having a good amount of height on her (but then, so did everyone). “And if you’re wrong?”_

_This time, Medrian’s shrug was wide, out to the side of his body, and feeble. “Lie back and think of the Rebellion?” he offered lamely._

_In a second Cassian lunged forward and grabbed the soldier by the collar, bringing him up off his feet onto his toes. “You’d better pray you’re not wrong. Because if you are, there is not a place in this galaxy you can hide that I won’t find you.”_

_He dropped Medrian back onto his heels, and the younger man stepped back. “I don’t want anything to happen to either of you,” he said quietly. “Believe me. No one does.”_

_\---_

_2 weeks ago_

_The brothel owner, who simply went by the name Quartz, nodded approvingly at Jyn, a smarmy expression curling his lips and crinkling his eyes as he fingered his mustache. The Lady perched on his desk, just as appraising._

_“Beautiful,” Quartz finally breathed, full of reverence. Beady eyes glinted as he stared at Jyn. She forced herself not to recoil in disgust. The Heartmoon Club was a classy brothel, but she was still a commodity, and he was the one deciding whether or not she looked good in his store._

_“So do we have a deal or not?” Cassian cut in, his demeanor suggesting he was already sick of waiting. He slouched in his chair, bulky clothes concealing his lithe frame, and radiated irritation and tension._

_He was perfect._

_“I can go somewhere else, Quartz,” Cassian added. “I don’t need your money. Mia and I, we got other opportunities. Plenty. You don’t like her, you’re a blind man.”_

_Quartz waved him off with a flick of his hand, still staring at Jyn. After another moment, he said to her, “I bet you fuck real sweet.”_

_Jyn couldn’t help it; her fingers curled around the arms of the chair. Cassian peeled her hand off and brought it to his mouth to kiss the back of it. “Like a lady,” he said over it, breath warm and soft on her skin. Reflexively, her fingers tightened again, this time around his. He didn’t react at all. Not that she expected him to. No, he was much too professional for that. He would never slip up._

_Jyn, though…_

_She took a silent, clarifying breath, and stared Quartz and his lover down. The Lady leaned down to speak into Quartz’s ear, and he nodded before leaning back in his chair, satisfied._

_“I like you both,” the owner said. “Got real respect for Black Sun, too, and your references checked out good there, Bexan. But I gotta be upfront with you: this is no crime-ridden back-alley whorehouse. You’re in my employ, and you do what I say. No underhanded tactics, no trying to overthrow me to take over the brothel yourself, nothing like that.”_

_Cassian snorted, his whole body jerking with the gesture and the absurdity he clearly found in Quartz’s suggestion. Jyn watched the owner carefully. His features were blank._

_“You protect The Heartmoon, whatever it takes,” Quartz continued, studying Cassian, who wasn’t even bothering to look at him, and instead flicked his thumbnail against his other nails with jarring, irregular clicks. “You understand me, silencer?”_

_“I heard you,” Cassian mumbled. He settled his hands in his lap and blew out a breath before looking up. He’d been ordered to let his hair grow out longer for the mission, and even though it had only been a month since Scarif, it had already been a little long then, and now it drifted further into his face. Jyn had the absurd urge to push it back – if it irritated her to see it obstructing his view, it must be driving him mad._

_Or maybe it didn’t, with that near-Jedi focus he had._

_“That all?” Cassian asked. “You like me, you like my lady, we all like each other, we get our rooms now, yeah?” He stood, and Jyn stood along with him. She caught the smirk on Quartz’s face before she turned to follow Cassian to the door. While the brothels the Rebellion had looked to send Jyn and Cassian to were legal and the women who worked them chose to be there of their own free will and were treated well, the owners were, of course, only in it for the money. They protected what was theirs, and they were still all a little shady._

_“Actually,” Quartz said from behind them, “I was wondering how the new merchandise is.”_

_Cassian stopped walking so abruptly that Jyn bumped into him before catching herself. As he turned, she stepped out of his way, curious to see how he was going to handle this._

_“You don’t call my girl ‘merchandise,’” Cassian said in a low voice. Quartz flipped his hand, but when he saw the Lady scowling at him, he closed his eyes and inclined his head._

_“My apologies. Old habits die hard. The place I came from before The Heartmoon, it wasn’t as nice – ”_

_“I don’t give a shit. You apologize to her.”_

_Quartz’s eyes shifted to Jyn. “My question,” he said slowly, “was simply about Mia’s skills. You speak so highly of them, and her references were stellar as well. What would_ you _say about her, Mr. Bexan?”_

_Cassian didn’t even tense up, but he let the moment stretch out just a bit before answering. “You’re a man of many fantasies, I’m sure. Think of one.”_

_Quartz laughed and tapped his fingers on his desk before pushing his chair back from it. “A shy silencer. Never thought I’d see the day!” He gestured to the Lady and came around the desk, and then they both passed Jyn and Cassian and left the room. The two Rebels could do nothing but follow them through the brothel._

_The owner gave them an impromptu tour (as if they’d needed it, the Alliance having already scoped the place out in advance), and as he led them back to the rooms, Jyn forced herself to ignore the moans, grunts, creaking of bedsprings, and words of pleasure all around her. For his part, Cassian appeared completely unaffected, even bored, by all of it. She knew it was just an act, that he had disappeared completely behind his role of Bexan the Silencer and she might as well have been as alone there as if a whole other person had been standing beside her. The man she knew – barely knew – Cassian Andor – was buried so deep, Jyn felt further away from him with him standing right beside her, arm occasionally brushing hers in the narrow hallway as they walked, than if he hadn’t been there at all. Even when he looked at her, she didn’t see_ him _behind his eyes, and she wondered…did she really know him at all?_

_“Your room, miss.”_

_Jyn brought her attention back to the present, to see Quartz extending his arm through an open doorway. She walked through and into a small but very comfortable room with a nice, large bed that was the most comfortable thing she’d ever seen. A small closet was built into the wall off to the right, and the door to a tiny, private ’fresher stood open on the left._

_That was one of the places where she and Cassian would meet to swap information. Small, tight, and completely invisible to the brothel’s cameras._

_Cassian followed Jyn in and put her bag on the bed. She sat next to it and opened it to begin taking her things out as Cassian turned and started for the door again. “And my room – ”_

_Quartz blocked the entrance, and he chuckled. “Please, Mr. Bexan. You must try your girl out here, in your new home! It’s tradition.”_

_“If it’s all the same to you, I’d rather get to work.”_

_“Ah, pleasure before work, Mr. Bexan!” Quartz said as the Lady covered her mouth to stifle her laughter._

_“This one could use a good fuck!” she said from behind her hand, accent sharp and jagged. “Fancy a Half and Half with me, love?”_

_Quartz smacked her gently on the behind, and she laughed again._

_“Oops,” she said. “Forget me manners, now’s I’m the Lady._ Ilasha _work is hard, girl. You sure you’re up for it?”_

_Jyn didn’t reply, instead covertly watching Cassian’s face for any sort of clue as to what he was thinking; again, nothing._

_“I can’t do this on camera,” he said._

_Quartz shrugged and stepped back from the room, reaching out to the door panel. “So we turn them off. I trust you.” He winked at Cassian, and then the door shut in front of him._

_Cassian didn’t move a muscle._

_“Odd one, that,” the Lady said as they walked away. “You’d think he’d jump at the chance to put it inside his lady again.”_

_“Performance anxiety,” Quartz replied._

_“Or poor performance. Think he lasts longer than a minute?” Quartz chuckled appreciatively, their voices growing quieter the further away they walked. “She’s a beautiful girl. Her lips alone! You can’t tell me he doesn’t spend part of his days thinking about them wrapped around his cock.”_

_“She would make a_ lot _of money on Half and Halves if she weren’t_ ilasha _.”_

_“She’ll make a lot of money anyway…”_

_Across the hall, a customer finished with a particularly painful-sounding groan._

_“At least he’s having fun,” Jyn commented into the (incredibly) awkward silence. It was then that she realized her face was turned away from Cassian’s profile. She chanced a glance up, to find him in the same position as before, utterly still._

_Only his eyes had shifted. They were on the floor. A small camera would never pick up on it._

_She could barely see them, but from the brief glimpse, she could see Cassian in there again._

_Then the moment passed, and Bexan returned. “You can put your things away later,” he said, putting his hand out to her. Jyn took it and let him pull her upright from the bed, her eyes on his. She_ hated _the coldness she saw there, but she understood why it was there. It would be even worse, she told herself, if for some reason Cassian had to do this_ as Cassian _, rather than as an alias._

_“How do you want it?” he asked. “Like last time? Against the wall?” He turned so he was walking backward, pulling her along to the back of the room, and Jyn understood then what he was doing: he was going to try to shield both of them as much as possible while they had to fake…this…_

_Cassian let go of her hand and pushed her into the corner so that her hands were braced on the perpendicular walls._

_“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” he whispered rapid-fire in her right ear, his mouth right against her skin, his head tilted at such an angle that a camera would never see his lips move. “Follow my lead. Trust me.” Then,_ Force, _he kissed her ear, then her pulse point under it, his lips searing her skin. Her head fell back against his chest. He shifted closer to her, and his body crowded her against the wall. On her waist, his hands were relaxed, fingers gently curving around her._

 _How could he be_ calm _during this?!_

_The rooms weren’t wired for sound – they were sure of it – but the people watching could still read lips._

_“I can’t do this,” Jyn grit out through clenched teeth, hardly daring to move her mouth._

_“Yes, you can,” Cassian replied, and he pressed her further into the wall, concealing her more from view. “Just pretend. Pretend I’m someone else.”_

_“No – ” she said before she could stop herself, but it didn’t matter, because he was talking again._

_“I’m going to touch you. I have to.”_

_Jyn nodded. His hands immediately roved up her body, and a shiver raced over her at the sudden contact. He shouldn’t be touching her like this – he was her commanding officer and her friend. Her comrade. Her partner. The first person in a long time who’d stuck around when things got bad. She’d never in a thousand lifetimes have anticipated she’d be in_ this _sort of position with him._

_She closed her eyes and pretended she was knocking down stormtroopers. As she imagined swinging her truncheons at them, she swayed in Cassian’s arms, contented with the thought of breaking stormtrooper armor to pieces. She barely even registered his hands grazing her breasts. She shut out the sounds of the brothel itself, the sounds outside her door, the scent in her nose that was all Cassian, just Cassian and nothing else, his presence the only thing she could sense right now outside her fantasy of knocking stormtrooper helmets together. She could even convince herself that she didn’t feel his hands move away from her to his belt and fly, didn’t hear the sounds as he unbuckled and unzipped, hardly felt him flipping her skirt up over her hips, didn’t feel embarrassment as he saw her in her underwear. But her senses had narrowed down to his presence and him touching her, and the bodies of the stormtroopers in her mind had begun to fade. Cassian pulled her hips to his, and he dropped a kiss to her bare back, between her shoulders, as he began to fake making love to her. It was uncomfortable, his parted pants, bulky shirt, and belt awkwardly in the way, but the whole thing was uncomfortable anyway, so what did it matter? Occasionally as he moved against her, slow and rhythmic, gentle, she felt a brush against her underwear that felt a little too close to skin on skin._

_Closing her eyes and letting out a breath to steady herself, wishing this would just end, Jyn put her forearm on the wall and bent over to touch her forehead to it, unthinkingly knocking back into Cassian. His intake of breath was sharp and immediate, and his hands twitched on her waist. His body draped over hers, and his fingers combed through her hair._

_His breaths were in her ear._

_And then…what would it be like, she wondered? To make love to him, to be close to him, to touch him, to kiss him, to feel him, to_ really _feel him, to –_

_Her mind snapped back to the present. Cassian had stilled behind her._

_Jyn straightened and turned around, expecting Cassian to step back, but he didn’t. Instead, she was in his arms again – now they were on either side of her, his hands posted on the walls – and he was looking so intently at her, she wanted to look away but couldn’t._

_He was breathing too quickly, and too shallowly. One hand left the wall to touch her face, fingers delicately stroking down it._

_Her hand came up, too, to touch his face. She cupped his cheek much the same as his was cupping hers now, and her thumb brushed back over his sharp cheekbone (Too sharp. He needed to eat more. He still didn’t look so good, a month after Scarif.). She was seized by a strong, intense desire to slide her hand up into his hair, tangle her fingers in it, and pull him close and –_

_“Forgive me,” he whispered then._

_And the words were so quiet, she barely caught them._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Their “references” are other undercover Alliance agents.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of being forced to fake lovemaking. Many awkward conversations.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic is becoming one big sex conversation. It wasn't supposed to -- I honestly thought it wouldn't -- but ah, well, I'm a smut writer. I accepted my place in the fandom long ago. No use fighting it.

Jyn

 

Whenever she had an idle moment, Jyn found her mind wandering back to that first night. The feeling of Cassian’s hands on her body – on her _breasts_ , of all places – made sparks shoot through her in ways it shouldn’t. Her breathing had matched his when they’d stared at each other after it, and he had been close, so close, and she’d felt…she’d thought she’d felt…him actually aroused against her.

But he couldn’t be, she told herself. They were partners, and he couldn’t feel that way about her. He was nothing if not utterly professional, and he would never allow himself to get carried away with something like a bit of acting to maintain cover. Shit, for all she knew, he could’ve forced himself to become aroused _specifically_ to sell their act. It could’ve had nothing to do with her at all.

Well. That was assuming he’d even reacted to the situation at all, which, the longer Jyn thought about it, he probably hadn’t.

He had been the one to drop his hand from her face first, and he’d turned away to zip up and re-buckle his belt. Jyn had readjusted her dress, avoiding looking at him for a moment, until he caught her eye and subtly indicated the ’fresher. No one would question two people using the facilities after lovemaking.

 _“They buy it,”_ _Cassian said once the door shut. “That out there should seal it for good.”_

_Jyn’s lips pursed, and her chin raised incrementally. “‘That out there’… Will that be happening again, do you think?”_

_Cassian lowered his eyes. “No. I’m sorry it did.”_

_Jyn nodded and looked past him to the shower stall he was leaning against with his arms crossed. All she wanted was for this to be over. As bad as it had been being forced to mime lovemaking with her partner, this silence, now, was far worse._

_“Did I hurt you?” Cassian asked quietly. Jyn’s eyes tracked up to his, to find sincerity and concern there. She gave him a reassuring smile._

_“No,” she said. “You didn’t. You were gentle.”_

_“Gentle.” He repeated the word like it was a distasteful thing, something he was unaccustomed to saying or hearing, and he didn’t like it._

_Jyn’s smile came back. “Yes, Cassian. Gentle.”_

_He was subdued, morose, thinking. Jyn watched him carefully, muscles tense, hardly breathing, afraid to break the quiet and spook him. Finally, he spoke again._

_“I’m never gentle.”_

_“You can be.”_

_Cassian’s arms dropped to his sides, and he ignored the comment. “You get set up here. I’ll go back to Quartz and start working him. You good?”_

_“Yes,” she replied, but his back was already to her, and he was already out the door of the ’fresher and nearly to the room’s only exit._

_Before he could leave, though, a knock came at the door, right as he was about to open it. He pressed the panel, and the door swished aside to reveal a gloating Quartz._

_“It was good,” Cassian said as the owner opened his mouth, probably to ask exactly that. Quartz chuckled._

_“You’re a good man, Bexan,” he said, clapping Cassian on the shoulder. The Lady sauntered up, adjusting her skirt with a wicked smile. Cassian’s expression turned dark._

_“You said you weren’t going to watch.”_

_Not that either he or Jyn had believed Quartz._

_“We absolutely did not,” Quartz replied in an affronted voice. “We were just outside, and quite busy ourselves, thank you. Though we couldn’t help but notice that you are very quiet, sir.”_

_“I pride myself on self-control.”_

_“Even during sex?!” the Lady exclaimed, eyes bugging out. She turned to Quartz. “Oh, please, love, let me have just one hour with 'im. Break the rules, just this once.”_

_Quartz shook his head, smiling all the while, and pulled her to him by her ample waist. “If only we could, but rules are as they are in our culture.”_

_“Still, though.” Her eyes cut to Cassian, calculating, and indiscreetly swept him up and down. “Ya so handsome, Bexan. Has there really been no one ya’ve truly been caught up with? Or have ya just had truly awful sex ya whole life?” She frowned then. “Or do ya just really not like sex? Too busy for it, maybe?”_

_“No one’s too busy for sex,” Quartz muttered._

_“I’m not too busy for sex,” Cassian said, and Jyn felt something flash inside her, sparking bright and hot. He folded his arms across his chest again. “Are we done here?”_

_“Not quite,” Quartz said. He stepped into the room and began to wander around it. “How do you find your accommodations, Miss Mia?”_

_“Very nice, thank you,” Jyn said from the ’fresher’s doorway. Quartz paused by a small, black circle in the wall over the nightstand and inspected it._

_“Your trash chute isn’t on,” he said._

_“Sorry?” Jyn replied._

_“Who cares?” said Cassian. “Can we all go now? Or do you people just literally fuck around all day and night?”_

_The Lady laughed appreciatively, but Quartz said nothing. He pulled out the first drawer of the nightstand and shuffled around in it. Jyn was close enough to see lines of different condoms in neat rows._

_“What is the problem?” Cassian demanded, storming over with clenched fists._

_Quartz slammed the drawer shut and rounded on him, suddenly looking enraged. Cassian didn’t draw back, completely unfazed. Sticking his finger in Cassian’s face, the shorter man said,_

_“You touched my girl without covering yourself.” Cassian scowled, and Quartz continued on. “I don’t know where the fuck you get off with this line of thinking, my man, but you want to fuck a girl here, you use a condom. You get the house discount and you can fuck till your dick falls off, I don’t care, but you wrap up every. Time. I don’t need you sticking it in and getting my girls diseased or worse, pregnant, because you like to ride bareback.”_

_“Please,” Cassian said. “I know how to control myself. I’m sure it’s around here somewhere, if it’s really that important to you. Besides, I’ve known Mia a long time and was with her well before I knew you.”_

_Quartz shifted his beady eyes to Jyn, the Lady, and finally back to Cassian again. “Well. You had better not be lying to me. I know the temptation is strong, but don’t you dare forget.”_

_“I’m not here as a customer.”_

_Quartz held his hands up, and all at once, the anger melted away. “Now, I’m not saying that. You pay all you like for services. Please, indulge yourself. We have everything you could possibly desire, plus things you would never dream of.”_

_“Great,” Cassian replied. “Done now?”_

_“Yes.” Quartz brushed by him, and he and the Lady left without another word. Cassian went to the door, and after a few moments of watching down the hallway, closed it and came back to the bed, where Jyn was now sitting._

_“I didn’t even think of that,” he said, turning his face away from the camera. “I am so stupid.”_

_Jyn put her hand on his back. “You’re not stupid,” she said. “I would be a little worried if you were an expert on brothels, to be honest.”_

_He didn’t laugh. “I never forget things like that,” he said, almost to himself._

_“Me, neither.” Jyn patted his back hard in what she hoped was comradely solidarity and got up, going over to her bag again to unpack it. “Not that I’m drawing from a wealth of experience, but I’ve had someone try that with me. ‘Oh, but it feels so much better.’ Does it really? Well, too bad.” She grabbed a few outfits and crossed to the closet to begin hanging them up. “It’s not worth the risk, and how deeply can you trust anyone, anyway?”_

_“Right.”_

_She turned at the tone of his voice and the short answer. He wasn’t looking at her, again lost in thought. The walls of the brothel disappeared around her, and suddenly, it was just the two of them, just Jyn and Cassian, who they were and their special connection to one another. There was a chink in the armor of him, she saw, and she wanted to press gently into this intimate part of him, get to know just a little, tiny bit more._

_“You ever trusted someone that much?” she asked hesitantly._

_“To what?” he retorted, voice razor sharp. Jyn immediately regretted asking, because this was not a complication she needed. She’d had conversations like this with other people – she wasn’t exactly the Core Worlds’ definition of “a lady” – so what was he getting his back up for? “Not use a condom?”_

_“Yeah,” Jyn bit back, because she could think of no other tone to use and really, it was just a dumb question. She just wanted to know if he…_

_If he’d ever, truly cared about someone, and if someone had ever, truly cared about him the way he deserved._

_Cassian hadn’t been looking at her while they’d spoken, but now he did, face a perfect, neutral mask. “You need to be up by oh-nine-hundred every morning,” he said instead of answering her question. It was like the conversation had never happened. He stood up and crossed to the door. “Breakfast in the kitchen, and then you’re on your own. I’ll be around, even if you don’t see me.”_

_She started to say his name, his real name, but cut herself off again when her brain caught up. It was a moment or two after he’d left that she realized she was still staring at the closed door._


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A night at The Heartmoon Club. Cassian watches Jyn until he can’t watch her any longer. Another worker makes her affections known.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to Flyingpancakes for asking a few questions about some of the ideas here. To clarify, I did make the concept of _ilasha_ up for this fic, and the idea for this particular instance is that, yes, Bexan gives Mia to the brothel as a "gift" -- think like a role-reversed dowry -- for them hiring him on as silencer. Because they need an _ilasha_ , and Jyn's phony references say she's done good work elsewhere, they agree to hire her as well -- because all the workers there are there of their own free will, too. The "rules" are really more of mores than actual rules. You "have" to do it, but you're not breaking a law if you don't. The background for Bexan and Mia is that they were occasional lovers in the past at another brothel he worked at, and he was fond of her, so that's why he took her with when he "interviewed" for the job with The Heartmoon. Now, though, she works for The Heartmoon, and so Bexan doesn't really have claim to her anymore. He gets a "discount" on services there (so to speak), but he's really supposed to stay away from Mia.

Cassian

 

The Heartmoon Club was packed full of men and women celebrating. Jyn moved slowly through the crowd, lingering where she wanted, turning a blazing smile (that only Cassian could tell was painful) on the customers.

She was wearing his favorite dress.

It was gemstone green, tight, sleek, long-sleeved. The back laced up from her waist to the shoulders, and was trimmed in gold accents. The skirt barely covered what it needed to, and even though Cassian knew Jyn was in a role, and the men here were supposed to be admiring her, he wanted to shoot every single one who ogled her. She walked with the confidence of someone who could destroy this entire room, although Jyn’s motives were far different from Mia’s. Even in high-heeled shoes, Jyn was the picture of grace. Even now, as Cassian stood scowling in a corner (whether Cassian was scowling or Bexan was, he couldn’t be sure) with his arms folded, Jyn perched on a barstool with one leg crossed over the other, toes of one foot flirtatiously tapping up and down, body completely relaxed as she chatted up an Alliance Intel officer and a new guy Cassian didn’t know. She signaled the bartender to refill their drinks, and she winked at the new guy.

Cassian breathed in and out slowly to keep his hands from clenching around his elbows. Draven should never have made her do this. He should never have put her through this. Cassian’s injuries from Scarif screamed at him with all this standing around, but he relished the pain, because it kept him focused on what was important: the Rebellion, and keeping the people he cared about safe. Keeping his _friends_ safe.

He had friends now.

Bodhi with his anxiety and never-ending kindness, Chirrut with his calmness and omnipotence, and even Baze with his surly nonchalance was Cassian’s friend.

“Liabilities, all,” Kaytoo had proclaimed them when Cassian had restored the droid’s memory to a KX series the Alliance had lying around. It looked the worse for wear, but it was _Kay_ again. And despite the words, there was a fondness in them that Cassian would never, ever have pointed out. Because Kay was much the same as Cassian, and if Kay had pointed out that fondness creeping into Cassian’s own tone, Cassian would have shut him down right then.

And Kay knew it.

“Don’t like ya girl fuckin’ others, do ya?” the Lady asked besides Cassian, and he offered her a tight smile. She was an enjoyable presence, as much as the term could be applied to anything in this place, and even though she crept around the establishment, he’d been aware of her movements and knew she was making her way to check on him. She cared, in her way.

“It’s not my place to say,” Cassian replied. The Lady chuckled.

“I need a smoke,” she said. “Accompany an old retired hooker outside and grope her maybe?”

Cassian scoffed good-naturedly and followed her out after one last glance at Jyn. She didn’t so much as look over at him, hand pressed delicately to her throat in response to whatever the new patron had said. Cassian would have to keep his eye on him.

Once outside, the Lady lit her cig and put her lighter away. After taking a drag and blowing out the stream of smoke, she said, “This your first assignment as silencer, love?” Cassian shook his head, affecting a bored demeanor. “First with a whore?”

“That, yes,” Cassian said.

“Ah. You and Mia are bonded, then.”

Cassian wrinkled his nose, a quick twitch. “I wouldn’t say _that_ , exactly.” The way she looked at him unsettled him. She just kept nodding sagely, like she could see into his very soul, even though he was certain neither he nor Jyn had had their covers blown. He hid behind the shell of Bexan, looking out from his eyes, as the Lady stared back at him.

“Quartz likes her,” she said dismissively, her attention now on the greenery around the brothel. It was nighttime on Coruscant, and even darker here in the Blackout Region. Still, bits of light slanted over the patio where Cassian and the Lady stood. “Likes you, too.”

“Good.” The door opened, and out came Jezz, a worker a little older than Jyn, and Jezz’s favorite customer. They laughed as Jezz grabbed at his arm, and he swatted her behind. Then he gave her a kiss on the cheek and left. They’d very clearly just come back from her room.

Jezz breathed out a sigh and twirled around, leaning against the fence next to the Lady, her wrist over her forehead. “I’m in love, Lady.”

“Quit it,” the Lady replied. “No such thing. Eh, Bexan?”

“Mm,” Cassian replied noncommittally. He needed to get back inside to check on Jyn, and so he started toward the door. The Lady caught his arm as he walked by.

“Ya tense,” she said, smoke wafting into his face. She tilted her head at Jezz. “Take half a’ hour with Jezz. She’ll loosen ya up.”

“I could, that,” Jezz said, stepping up and putting her hands on Cassian’s waist. “Been curious about what’s under here since you joined us.”

“It’s a busy night,” Cassian said as he extricated himself. “’Course I’m tense.”

“Full Course?” the Lady suggested, referring to The Heartmoon’s mutual oral service. It didn’t so much as arouse Cassian – _I have to get back to Jyn_ – as he politely stepped away toward the door.

“Another time,” he said.

“I’ll hold you to that,” Jezz called after him as he retreated. “I’ll tie you down if I have to!”

The door mercifully slid closed all the way, cutting off their laughter.

\---

Jyn was still entertaining at the bar when Cassian returned. The Alliance officer would offer her, the _ilasha_ , an obscene amount of credits, easily triple the highest any woman here would charge, and Jyn would take him back to her room to get his information. The other guy…Cassian didn’t know who he was or why he was hanging around. The whole point of Jyn filling the _ilasha_ role was that she would be so exorbitantly priced that other men _couldn’t_ afford her, and so she _wouldn’t_ have to become intimate with any of them. The line of credit the Alliance spies were using was fraudulent, but by the time it was discovered in a few months, they would be long gone off Coruscant.

With so many people packed into the bar and sitting room, the air/con had trouble keeping up. Cassian kept his bulky clothes on despite being overheated, and he kept to the shadows as he was supposed to – where it was even warmer. Only at one time did he venture out to get a glass of water from the bartender. He posted his arms on the bar top next to Jyn, who didn’t signal _Safe_ to him as she talked to Evert, the new guy. If he’d been Alliance, or someone on their side, she would have curled her hair around her right ear, letting her fingertips drag in such a way to indicate he was one of them.

But she didn’t.

It made Cassian worry, just a bit.

Once he got his water, he downed half the glass in one go, parched, and turned to Jyn to open his mouth to ask her a question. That was when he noticed the bead of sweat trickling its way down her neck, around her collarbone, and down, down into the top of her gemstone green dress. She turned to him with a smile and put her chin in her hand.

“Your night all right?” she asked, blinking thick black lashes at him heavy with mascara, and even though it was an act, even though he knew how much Jyn Erso was hating this right now with every fiber of her being, he couldn’t help but be captivated by her…and he couldn’t answer. For what seemed like an interminable amount of time.

Cassian turned away, and he left without a word.

Jyn would suspect nothing. After all, he was a spy, and they barely knew each other. They were also undercover, and his cover wasn’t a chatty guy. All of that could easily explain away Cassian’s sudden rudeness and disappearance.

The reality was that seeing Jyn like that, happy, warm, _sexy_ , but still so deadly, the little bead of sweat slipping across her soft-looking skin, it had aroused him fast and out of nowhere, and he’d had to get some distance to allow himself time to recover.

But he couldn’t recover. All he could do was look at her, watch her, surveil the crowd as he was supposed to, carry out his duties. But then his eyes always returned to her (as they were supposed to anyway, as her commanding officer and the only other agent with her on this mission), in her stunning bright green dress, a beacon of searing sensuality and everything he’d ever wanted without even knowing he’d wanted it and –  

He dug his nails into his palm to stop that line of thinking. Calmed himself. Centered himself.

But then he glanced back up at her, and she re-crossed her legs, giving him a brief view between them, and he was done for.

\---

In his room, Cassian knelt on his narrow bed and stroked himself fast and none too gently, getting almost no pleasure out of what he was doing, only consumed by guilt and the need to get himself _under control_. He was intentionally too rough, reminding himself that he was being unprofessional and had lost his control and that this was just a minor setback and irritation and something to get around before he could continue on with his work. He’d expected it, anyway – he was at a _brothel_. If he hadn’t gotten off at least once before returning home, he would have really questioned himself.

He knew how to be efficient, and in no time at all he’d poured himself out into his hand, barraged by guilt, berating himself, and blanking his mind so he didn’t see _her face_ or think _her name_. He didn’t imagine her naked, he didn’t think about their fake lovemaking the night they’d gotten to The Heartmoon, he didn’t replay the conversation they’d had afterward over in his mind. He didn’t wonder what she’d feel like around him with absolutely nothing between them, and if she’d truly never actually felt that with a man – and if she hadn’t, what would she think if she felt that with him for the very first time? If she chose him ever? What he did do was push himself past the infinitesimal pleasure into pain, the price of losing focus and judgment and mission objectives and feeling…feeling…

_Human._

Cassian shook his head and yanked a tissue from the inset box on the nightstand, placed there no doubt for this very purpose.

_I’m better than this._

He wiped the mess off his hand and sat back on his heels with a sigh, before he balled the tissue up and threw it on the bedspread.

_Back to work._

After Cassian washed up and left the room, he immediately bumped into Jezz.

“Thought I saw you come back here,” she said with a devilish smile. “Fancy a go?”

“I’m all right,” Cassian said, holding his hands up to ward her off. But she only laced her fingers through his and smiled again, softer this time.

“Anything you want is on the house, you know.” She pulled his right hand toward her mouth and took his middle two fingers in between her lips. “Mm. Been busy, have you?”

Despite himself, Cassian could not stop the flush of color that rose to his cheeks at having something so private bared so bluntly. Luckily it was dark, so she couldn’t see his shame.

“Too many beautiful women around,” he answered smoothly. “A man has to take care of himself.”

“Why tire yourself out when you have all of us?”

Cassian didn’t answer, watching as she dragged her tongue from the heel of his hand to the tips of his fingers. When she finished, she stepped closer and pressed herself against him. She was about his height, with curly brunette hair and stunning blue eyes that were bright even in the dim light of the staff hallways. “I’m in love with someone I cannot have, Bexan.”

“Yes, I know,” Cassian said. “I see you with him all the time. What’s the problem?”

“He’s married.”

“That’s a big problem.”

“I was wondering…might you…?”

Cassian frowned. “No. I don’t do hits. Come on, Jezz. That isn’t right.”

“Says you.”

“This isn’t the way to go about it.”

She wrapped her arms around him, and Cassian once more forced himself not to tense. She wasn’t going to go away, so he closed his eyes for just a moment, and pretended…

“Take me away,” she whispered, her lips very near his and then –

She kissed him, and he didn’t return it, but a small part of him melted at being touched again. Another part of him said, _Sure, why not? Just give in,_ and as that part warred with the part telling him he needed to get back to Jyn, his eyes snapped open.

Someone had just been in the hallway with them, and had left. He could sense that much.

Disengaging himself from Jezz’s arms, he walked down the hallway to see who it could have been.

Only darkness and silence answered him.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jyn and Cassian meet in a teeny little closet to discuss the mission.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Re: the creepy-ass cameras: here’s my thinking, and another colon: the cameras don't have very good resolution, and they're only there for protecting the girls in case of an incident. So I envision most of the time Jyn is with one of these Alliance agents, they’re just literally crawling under the covers, moving a bit to make things look real, and she’s getting the info. These agents are the only ones who are able to afford her. The dudes in the security booth are just reading magazines or watching holo or playing space Words with Friends or on space tumblr or spacebook. They’re not actually watching the cameras like total creepers; the recordings – which get erased regularly – are just in case a girl gets hurt.
> 
> TL;DR: No one’s perving on Jyn. Cameras are a plot device.

Cassian

 

It was past 0330 when the party finally died down, and the ladies began to drift off to bed. They were still on call, of course, for any customer who showed up wanting to see them, but Jyn, at least, would never be bothered.

They met in the linen closet tonight. It was at the far end of the hall near Cassian’s room, and was only accessed during the day. The only light came from a small, portable glowtorch Cassian set on a shelf at waist height.

“Who was that man you were talking to?” Cassian asked.

“I don’t know,” Jyn replied. “I haven’t seen him before.”

“He’s not Alliance.” Jyn didn’t say anything, and Cassian peered harder at her. “Is he interested?”

“Possibly?” She didn’t look bothered, her face as neutral as his. “Where were you tonight?”  
  
Something unpleasant spiked bright and sharp in Cassian’s brain. “Where was I?”

“That’s what I said.” She shifted, moving away from him a little, and it suddenly felt colder in the cramped closet. Cassian inadvertently took a short step toward her, closing the distance between them again.

“I had to take care of something,” he said, hating the half-truth in it, hating the emotionless tone of his voice. How could she like him or care about him? How could she want to be around him? When he was this way, always this way? A liar, cold-blooded and hollow. But what was he supposed to tell her? That he had been so overcome with a stupid, base, purely physical urge and need that he’d had to go back to his room to release himself? They needed to get out of here soon, before they both turned on each other. Already the environment of the brothel was making him feel things he shouldn’t be feeling, things he knew he didn’t really feel. Jyn Erso was his sergeant, his second, his comrade, his soldier, partner, friend.

His _friend_.

What kind of disgusting person did it make him that he couldn’t resist the siren call of flesh all around him, and instead projected that onto her?

Jyn was still waiting for further explanation, green eyes turned up to him, open. Awaiting a _real_ answer.

There wasn’t one he could give. Cassian stepped back from her.

“I just want you to be careful,” he said quietly. “Cresh and Grek are passing along good intel. We need to keep that coming.”

“Noted.” Jyn turned around and reached for the panel when they heard footsteps outside the closet. She immediately switched to a fighter’s stance before just as quickly readjusting and backing into Cassian. She knew as well as he did that she couldn’t look like the fighter she was unless absolutely necessary, if they had to fight their way out of the brothel and blast off the planet with stormtroopers at their feet.

Without thinking, wordlessly, seamlessly working with her, Cassian stepped around and in front of her. She leaned into him, listening to the footsteps same as he did, pacing back down the hall as one of the staff members chatted on a comlink.

Then it was silent again. Jyn and Cassian turned to each other, and guilt slithered through his gut again. He’d left her all alone on an op and –

No. They weren’t supposed to be together _all_ the time. He was just supposed to hang around while Jyn did her thing, and he was good at that.

“We need to give it a good twenty minutes,” Cassian said after another tense moment of silence. “Then we’ll go.”

Jyn nodded and hopped up on a small folding table in the corner of the room. Cassian rubbed his eyes and leaned back against the shelf beside her. Next to his hips, her legs swung gently, bare and smooth and enticing. He watched, entranced, as her skirt rippled with the movement, as she straightened it to cover herself.

Then she caught him staring.

“It’s funny, right?” she said, and his head jerked up. He found her smiling self-deprecatingly. “Me, in this. I hate it and want my old clothes back.”

 _You look beautiful._ He almost said it, but he didn’t. Besides, it would just sound disgusting, and he didn’t mean she looked beautiful dressed like _that_ necessarily, he meant…

It didn’t matter. Cassian crossed his arms and looked back toward the door. “We’ll be back home soon enough.”

Her hand settled on his shoulder. Squeezed. “You seem unsettled. Everything all right?”

 _Why_ could she read him when no one else could? He made a living out of people not being able to read him. But _Jyn_ – dammit – _Jyn could_.

“It won’t be until we’re home,” he replied. His shoulder twitched when her thumb dug into a tender spot.

“Sorry,” Jyn said. “I didn’t think that was your bad shoulder.”

“It’s my other bad shoulder.”

He sensed her smile, and he smiled back at her, just a little. She began to knead the spot, digging hard into a knot that had been there for years. Her hand worked over to his right shoulder, fingers drifting across the back of his neck, and he took a deep, steadying breath.

She needed to get her hands off him. She needed to get her hands off him _right now_.

A quiet gasp escaped his lips when she dug into another spot at the crook of his neck. Jyn mistook it and said, “Deep breath and I’ll get this one out in a second. I’m good at this.”

She pressed _hard_ with her knuckle and released the knot of muscle, and he groaned a little, melting back against her after the sharp pain had passed. Her hand stayed there, on his skin, and he burned beneath her touch.

“We need to train someone back home in dry needling,” Jyn said.

Cassian hadn’t ever heard of dry needling, but he didn’t really give a mynock’s tail whatever the kriff it was. He sighed as his back unknotted for the first time in years, and his internal chronometer told him it was almost time for them to go.

He didn’t say anything.

Jyn didn’t say anything.

Neither of them moved.

Finally, Jyn slid off the table onto her high heels, her hand dropping down his back and trailing all the way down. “Should be clear outside now,” she said. Her fingers reached out to the panel again.

“Wait,” Cassian said impulsively, and she peered over her shoulder at him. He kept his distance, trapped in this room now, wishing he hadn’t spoken. “Be careful,” he added softly. Jyn gave him that sweet, little smile she reserved just for him and their family, the Rogue One crew.

“You too?” she replied, turning to face him.

A question, because she knew he wasn’t always.

The air/con kicked on, a vent in the ceiling blowing air down onto them. Jyn’s hair drifted out of its simple style and across her face, and she reached up to curl a finger around it to pull it back down as Cassian did the same, his first two fingers connecting with hers. Those brilliant green eyes of hers stayed on his, that smile of hers warmed his face, as she let him replace the dark hair behind her ear.

“It’s quiet,” she said, a fact that had not escaped Cassian’s attention.

“Mmhm,” he answered, but his gaze was on her lips, full and soft and still painted an alluring coral pink with gold shimmering throughout it. The color only emphasized the fullness of Jyn’s lips, the plushness, and he thought…he thought…

He thought things he shouldn’t think.

He didn’t realize his hand was on her waist, but it was, and it was clenching the fabric, curling it to his palm.

He faltered. He came a step closer to her. Jyn closed her eyes as Cassian bent his forehead down to touch hers and he released a soft breath across her face, unable to help the sigh that came out of him at touching her face like this for the very first time.

“You’ll need help getting it off,” he murmured, forcing his mind to the mission. But his eyes were closed and Force, she’d never smelled better. Sweet and earthy and _real_ and _Jyn_ … “Sergeant,” he added, but he could barely hear himself so there was no way she could hear him, and if anyone heard them they would just think the pair was roleplaying.

The door shook as her back hit it, startling Cassian. (Had he really put that much pressure on her?) Jyn hardly seemed to notice. He was aware of a new sensation, her fingers gripping his waist through the ridiculously stupid getup he was wearing, and he wanted to _feel_ –  

“What tomorrow?” she whispered. Her voice was soft and husky.

“Same. Aurek and Besh will be dropping by.”

“Probably should get some sleep, then.”

“Probably.”

It was another minute more before they moved.

\---

This time when Cassian helped Jyn with the laces of her dress, his hands shook.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dry needling is agony, is what it is. But it works (usually).


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jyn is thinking...and so is Cassian.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LOL, I was literally in my car going somewhere when I remembered I meant to update this, and literally turned around to go back home to update it. #rebelcaptainfolyfe
> 
> P.S. The rating has finally been raised to **E!!!**

Jyn

 

Her mind was wandering again. It was too late for it to be considered still night, yet too early for it to be considered morning.

Jyn was wide awake.

The new customer was on her mind.

Playacting lovemaking with the Alliance agent was on her mind.

 _Cassian_ was on her mind.

Touching him in the dark of the closet, his features thrown into sharp relief by the light of the small glowtorch, his body close but wrapped in heavy clothing as she worked on the knot of muscle in his shoulders. His scent, his presence, his essence.

His everything.

Jyn sighed, her fingertips drifting over the skin of her chest under her sleep shirt as she thought. Arousal and frustration had been mingling together within her for days now, being surrounded by sex and never getting away from it. She wasn’t the type of person who _needed_ sexual relations in her life – at least, she assumed she wasn’t – and in the past had only engaged in it when she felt like it, with whomever she felt like. People had that itch, and sometimes, it needed to be scratched. So she did. She didn’t know about Cassian, and it wasn’t her business. For all she knew, he never did it.

_“I’m not too busy for sex.”_

Why did his words from earlier have such an impact on her? Because while she found him attractive, and while she felt the pull of him the same as he did for her, she’d just never considered it before? Well, where was the time to, anyway…

Jyn’s hand drifted lower, slipping lightly into her shorts. She wasn’t at all surprised to find herself aroused as she ran her middle finger lazily up and down, bringing the wetness up to her clit and circling her finger around it. She sighed and placed her arm behind her head, closing her eyes and relaxing. She tried not to think about anyone in particular, choosing instead to focus more on the actual feelings instead of a fantasy, but her mind kept slipping away from her – to her partner. And that first night at The Heartmoon. His hands on her breasts, his hips pressed against hers and she wasn’t stupid, she knew he was aroused by it, too. His gentle breath in her ear, slow and steady, her mind latching onto it like an anchor to ground her during a bad situation. His gentle rocking, his lips on her skin, fingertips surprisingly softer than she’d thought they’d be.

The way he watched her while they were all in the bar area, when she’d catch him looking sometimes, never, ever dropping that mask of his but always, always making sure she was okay because she could see that, she could see a tiny bit beneath the mask and _see_ his care. The way he watched her apply her makeup in the morning occasionally, something that had taken multiple hours of training with a sharp Intelligence agent who knew her stuff.

Jyn made a little noise of satisfaction when her fingers pushed into her body, and she turned her head to the side to pillow it on the crook of her elbow. What was Cassian like, she wondered? As a lover? _“I’m never gentle,”_ he’d said, and that was undoubtedly true in almost every aspect of his life. But this? This, too, even?

Would she even _want_ it gentle from him? Want him to be gentle with _her_?

_“Though we couldn’t help but notice that you are very quiet, sir.”_

Quartz’s words to Cassian, and Jyn thought about those, too. Was he really? Or was he actually loud, but forced to be quiet due to living on a crowded military base with no real privacy? She couldn’t imagine he was the kind of person who shouted his pleasure from the rooftops, though.

It didn’t take long for her pleasure to start to build as she moved her fingers. In the room next to hers, Nabelle was servicing a client, every thrust punctuated by moans and cries from each of them. The sounds only spurred Jyn on and she let her mind go, unable to stop the pull of the direction it desperately wanted to head. She saw Cassian and her making love in different positions, and she wondered if he’d be more attentive than other lovers, if his fingers would feel better than hers (someone else’s never really had in the past). Her mind conjured up an image of his head between her legs, arms around her thighs, her hand in his hair. But she quickly thrust it away, uncomfortable with the idea. It had been so awful in the past, even with partners eager to provide it, and she’d quickly become annoyed and pushed them away. She wasn’t eager to experience it again, and could happily live without it.

Nabelle and her customer got louder and more frantic, parts of words spilling from their mouths, and Jyn focused on them, wishing it were her instead, and she didn’t want gentle, she wanted rough and hard and would Cassian even –

She came then with her eyes shut tight, clenching around her fingers and feeling her face flush with the hard climax. Jyn kept her eyes closed for a few more moments, panting, one hand on her sweaty forehead and the other still between her legs.

Finally she rolled over to the nightstand for a tissue and wiped her fingers, discarding it in the trash chute before getting up to wash in her ’fresher.

A soft knock came at her door, and her head jerked up.

It could only be Cassian.

Flushing again, she smoothed scented hand lotion over her skin, taking a deep breath that carried with it the intoxicating scent of warm spices, mesmerizing flowers, and earthy musk.

Cassian was indeed at the door when Jyn opened it, and he looked tired but alert. She backed up, and he closed the door.

“That smells nice,” he said.

“Thanks,” she replied, disliking very much how her heart pounded. He tilted his head, and they went back to the ’fresher.

“I did some more digging,” he said once the door closed behind them. “There’s nothing on Evert that I could find.”

Jyn shrugged. “So it’s an alias.”

“Why?”

“He doesn’t want his wife to find out?”

Cassian didn’t answer.

“We’re tired,” Jyn said reasonably. “Let’s just go to sleep and hope this doesn’t turn into something more.”

Cassian scoffed. “We need a plan in case it does.”

“I think it’ll be fine. He just…likes to talk to me. That’s all.”

That seemed to satisfy Cassian somewhat, and he nodded. Then his gaze fell on a little square packet on the countertop.

“What’s that?” he asked. Jyn looked over at it.

“It’s a condom, Cassian.”

“Yes, I know that,” he said tartly. “What’s it doing here? Are you…?”

“No!” she exclaimed, affronted and shocked that he would ask such a (stupid) thing. “It’s from Cresh. From earlier? We switched things around and used the shower.” She indicated it to show him it was still a little wet, and Cassian glanced over. “Just forgot to open it and put it down the chute.”

“I see.”

Jyn picked up the green packet and peered at it. “I don’t understand this. What are these little nubs…?”

Cassian snatched it out of her hand. “Just throw it away.”

She smirked and arched a brow. "Are you _embarrassed_ , Cassian?"

" _No_ , it just needs to go away before it comprises us."

Jyn chuckled quietly despite herself, and Cassian threw her a sharp look. She just smiled back and reached for the opener.

“It _is_ different,” he said suddenly, and she paused. Looked back at him. “Not using one.”

“Oh,” Jyn replied, flushing for a third time in what was probably only twenty minutes.

“And what about _your_ trust, Jyn?”

Jyn’s cheeks burned hotter, and, just like he had when they'd first discussed this weeks ago, she didn’t answer his question, staring up at him. His face was bathed in the glow of streetlamps from outside, and he looked so… _intense_.

“You’re flushed,” Cassian said. “Are you feeling okay?” He shifted the stupid packet to his other hand and reached out to place the backs of his fingers against her forehead. His hand was as warm as she felt.

“I don’t know how much longer I can do this,” Jyn murmured.

Cassian’s hand curved down to cup her face, and then his fingers slid back into her hair. “I trust you,” he said very quietly. “I wouldn’t want to be here with anyone else watching my back.”

“Stay,” Jyn found herself saying, and she couldn’t believe she was and she didn’t even know what she was asking. She didn’t even know what they were _talking about_.

Cassian didn’t move. She couldn’t even see him breathe. “I’m not supposed to touch you.”

“Bexan isn’t. Cassian can.” She moved forward so that her body pressed against his, then raised herself onto her toes. Then she whispered in his ear, “I want Cassian to touch me.”

That was all he needed. Fingers still in her hair, he tilted her face up to his and captured her lips with his, and she rocked back at the force of it. Her arms circled his waist, pulling him closer, and his hands gripped the skimpy straps of her top in his fists, knuckles brushing the tops of her breasts. It was impossible to tell who deepened the kiss first, her or him, but soon she was against the door kissing him back harder than she’d ever kissed anyone before, her lungs gasping for air. Cassian’s hands moved to her waist and his fingers now dug into her bare skin, as if he had to hold tight to her and force himself not to move his hands, lest he lose control. His stubble burned all around her mouth, and his lips were so soft. He kissed her in a way that told her he was not new to this, and he knew exactly how to do it right. It wasn’t long before her arousal from earlier came rushing back, flooding her system and dampening her underwear.

Cassian shifted, Jyn’s leg slipping between his, and she swallowed a soft groan when she felt him hard and straining against her. She let herself sink back against the door and grabbed at the collar of his shirt, pulling him down against her.

His response was an answering groan at the friction, and Jyn smiled in satisfaction. Her body moved of its own accord, rubbing against him, wanting more, more.

Cassian turned her around and picked her up, setting her down on the countertop and fitting himself between her open legs. One of the straps of her top slid down her shoulder, the skittering sensation making her shiver. Cassian’s fingers traced its path down her arm, his middle sliding under it, toying with it, twisting it. He grabbed it in his fist then and bent down, kissing her shoulder and upper arm, before catching her free hand, tangling his fingers in it, and then kissing her palm.

Then he returned to her lips again, his fist clenching the shirt at her waist so hard, it pulled the neckline down and exposed a dangerous amount of breast.

Jyn couldn’t get enough of his mouth, consumed by him and every feeling racing through her. She desperately wanted his hands everywhere on her, his mouth following, but he wouldn’t do anything more. She broke from his lips to place her own against the pulse hammering below his ear, then trailed downward. His skin was hot, and he had to be burning up in those clothes.

She wanted them off him.

She wanted them off him _now_.

But now, she knew, was not the time. It was all wrong, for a number of reasons. So she didn’t say anything, and soon, he rested his forehead on her shoulder.

“I’m sorry,” he murmured. “I want this and I want all night with you, but I'm so tired.”

“Let’s go to sleep, then,” Jyn said. “We’ll need to be up again soon enough.”

“I haven’t yet been able to hack into the cameras. We need to get to Dorviché to do that. I’ll have to erase the recording in the morning if I stay.”

He raised his head. Jyn intertwined her fingers behind his neck and leaned her forehead against his. “So do it,” she said. “Kill someone if you have to. Just spend the night with me, Cassian.”

Too, Cassian had indicated that the man who worked the security booth overnight, Resk, didn’t take his job too seriously, and relied heavily on the recordings should anything happen (which was never, anyway). Cassian had also ingratiated himself with the man early on – Resk was just trying to pay for school and didn’t want any trouble – and Cassian had slipped him cred chips here and there to buy his loyalty.

So Jyn wasn’t all that concerned.

Cassian relented and stepped back from the counter, then offered Jyn his hand. She took it and slid down, then let go when it felt uncomfortable to be still holding his hand as they left the room. Tiredness overwhelmed her once she lay down in the bed again, but she forced herself to stay awake as Cassian shucked off the bulky shirt and his boots. He was apparently going to sleep with his pants on, which didn’t surprise Jyn in the least.

What did surprise her was when he turned over toward the middle, and just looked at her face. He was frowning, concentrating, but she didn’t know what about. Below the covers, their legs just barely touched.

“Go to sleep,” Jyn whispered, and she closed her eyes. Cassian rustled around a little and released a tired breath before settling down.

But not before his hand curled around hers again, and she squeezed it back.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jyn reluctantly participates in girl talk with Jezz and another worker, and jealousy begins to build between her and Cassian. They try to talk about it during their meeting in the linen closet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ended up having to cut this chapter in half. I expanded the beginning (a little too much!) thanks to a couple commenters, one of whom (Flyingpancakes again!) suggested gossip between the workers about “Bexan.” Thanks for an awesome idea!!

Jyn

Jyn woke with all the covers tangled around her body despite the heat. She’d always been a lover of covers, relishing the cocoon of safety they provided on the rare instances that she got them. Usually, though, she slept in such a way that her body was free of any possible entanglements, so she could spring into action at a moment’s notice.

So why was today different?

Jyn checked the time and stretched, her elbow smacking into something hard. With a jolt she remembered Cassian was in the bed as well, and he woke with a start.

“Sorry!” she said. “I forgot you were there.”

He held a hand to his nose. “Be careful. _Someone_ told me to take care of my face because it’s one of our best assets. You’d better not ruin it.”

For a moment, Jyn just stared at him. Was he really that vain…?

Then she burst into laughter when she realized he was referring to Draven. _“Really,”_ she said. “He _actually_ said that to you.”

Cassian nodded, a smile at the corners of his lips. “He did. On more than one occasion. Usually before something dangerous or when I came back looking particularly awful.”

He lowered his hand, and Jyn smiled to see how incredibly messy he looked in the morning. She was used to seeing a completely put-together Cassian Andor – as put-together as any Rebel ever was – except when he was almost mortally injured on –

She shut that thought down immediately.

Cassian always looked… _professional_ , was the word. He always looked like a professional officer. Seeing him in this vulnerable, sleepy state was…

Jyn was not going to use the word _endearing_ , so she didn’t.

Cassian rubbed his eyes and lay his head back down on his pillow, eyes sliding closed again. “It would be good if we could get an opportunity today to – ”

“Shh,” Jyn said. “Not just yet.”

He obeyed and didn’t say another word. Jyn watched him for a second, wanting to kiss him again, wanting to feel the tingling in her body again, but too nervous to approach him. He didn’t seem to want it anyway, either because he was too tired or just plain didn’t want it.

She didn’t ask. She would never.

Jyn sat up and got out of the bed. “I need to get ready.”

“Me, too,” Cassian said, and as she walked to her closet she heard him getting up and dressing. He passed by her on his way out and clasped her arm. “I’ll see you soon,” he said quietly, and Jyn’s heart seized up.

Was that it? Was that all it was going to be? Was it… _over_? Before it began? She wasn’t expecting them to talk about it like kids, have some big discussion or anything, but…how could that be it…? Did he feel _nothing_? Was he _truly_ that cold?

She turned her face to look at him, found him still looking at her. For a moment, neither of them moved. Then he leaned in tentatively – awkwardly – and kissed her on the lips.

“I’ll erase the recording,” he said, “then see you out there.”

“Yeah,” Jyn said, face warming. “Sure.”

He squeezed her arm, and he was gone.

\---

It wasn’t a bad day, and Jyn found that odd. As night fell on Coruscant and the district came alive, her smile came easier. The usual mix of clients was there, and Nabelle, a dark-skinned girl with a mouth on her who Jyn could see herself being friends with in another life, was working and in fine form. Cassian brooded in various corners and skulked in shadows as he was supposed to do, and Jyn couldn’t help the little smile that tugged the corners of her lips up when she met his eyes every now and then.

He didn’t really return it, but nor did his face stay the same.

Waking up with him this morning had been –

It was odd.

She had never woken up with someone in a sleeping space next to her before. Weapons had been her favorite bed companion, and while she woke up disheveled and covered in sweat from the extra body heat under the covers with her, it hadn’t been unpleasant.

In fact, she didn’t think she’d even awoken once during the night, when she usually woke up three or four times.

Jezz crossed Jyn’s field of vision, throwing a smile at Cassian, and Jyn’s smile faltered. The bartender asked her something, but she didn’t hear it until he repeated the question.

“Yes, please,” she said, and he refilled her glass with her favorite sweet, carbonated beverage.

“Jezz got a new toy, did you hear?” Nabelle asked as she plunked down on the barstool next to Jyn.

“I didn’t,” Jyn said, eyes tracking the woman. Nabelle could be talking about a variety of things, and at the moment, Jyn wasn’t sure which she meant.

“Yeah, she’s been goin’ on about him in the ’fresher. Won’t say who he is, though.”

Jyn turned to Nabelle. “Oh?” she said.

“Yeah.” Nabelle tucked her shoulder up coyly to her chin and batted her eyes at someone across the room. “Says he real handsome. Plays hard to get, though. But likes her. Likes her a lot.”

For a split second, Jyn’s vision went fuzzy. “How does she know that?” she asked, forcing an even tone.

“Ah, you know Jezz.”

Jyn locked eyes with Cassian, felt her expression pinch together, and deliberately turned away from him.

“What’s the policy here on getting involved with staff?” she asked Nabelle.

Nabelle laughed. “No policy, other than they get a good discount on us.”

“Any of them?” Jyn asked. “Any staff?”

“Yeah.” She took a couple vegetable sticks off a crudité tray and delicately dipped them in dressing. Taking a bite and crunching for a moment, she said, “There’s worse you can do here, though. Staff’s all nice. _You’re_ not allowed to get involved, of course, but we all can.”

“Seems rather unfair,” Jyn said, before chastising herself for the slip. Nabelle immediately frowned at her.

“I thought you were _ilasha_ somewhere else before here,” she said.

“I was,” Jyn replied, attempting to recover. “It’s just a comment on the custom in general.”

“Mm.” Nabelle smiled and snagged a couple of Jyn’s favorite snacks from a passing tray. Handing them over and popping a different one into her mouth, she said, “You got your eye on someone, _Ilasha_ Mia?”

“No,” Jyn said, shaking her head.

“But you don’t like that Jezz does.”

“I don’t care what Jezz does.”

“Or who Jezz does?”

The woman herself walked up to them at that moment. “ _Ilasha_ Mia,” she said, “I need your advice.”

“I told you last time,” Jyn said patiently, “the nubs do nothing.”

Jezz snorted. “You must have the most boring sex, Mia. How did you get to be _ilasha_ by not doing anything fun?”

 _“Hey,”_ Nabelle snapped, standing up from her stool and reaching her full two-meter height. “You learn your place, girl.”

“Sorry,” Jezz said, wincing as she blushed. “I didn’t mean any disrespect, _Ilasha_ Mia.”

“My point,” Jyn said, staring the girl straight in her big blue eyes, “is that you don’t need to do something fancy to woo a man. Sometimes just doing things the regular old-fashioned way does the trick.” She waited a moment, and it was pure Jyn Erso coming out here, the intimidation, the presence, all of it, even though she was much shorter than the other woman. “There’s no need to skulk around in hallways if you’re proud of yourself.”

Jezz snorted and ordered a drink from the bartender, then sat down on a stool to wait for it. “I wouldn’t have to if Bexan were easier to catch.”

Jyn’s vision went fuzzy again, seeing Jezz and Cassian together in the hallway in her mind’s eye.

Nabelle sipped at her drink through her straw. “Maybe he’s not interested,” she said with a shrug. “He seems pretty dedicated to his job.”

Jezz made a sound in the back of her throat. “ _No man_ is that dedicated that he won’t have sex with a beautiful girl.”

“Maybe you’re not his type?”

The woman scoffed. “I’m everyone’s type.”

Nabelle rolled her eyes for Jyn’s benefit. “Not mine.”

Jezz shoved Nabelle’s arm across Jyn’s front, and Nabelle laughed.

“What do you think he’s like?” Jezz mused. Jyn’s chest constricted at where this conversation was headed, and she was literally trapped between the two women on either side of her.

“Really good, probably,” Nabelle said. “Doesn’t seem selfish.”

“Rough? Gentle? Thanks.” Jezz took her drink from the bartender.

_I’m never gentle._

Jyn shivered and ordered another drink. Nabelle pushed the crudité platter toward Jezz.

“What do you think, _Ilasha_ Mia?”

Jyn’s head jerked toward Jezz. Her heart beat once before she answered, but it felt like an eternity with that big blue gaze on her, awaiting her answer. “I haven’t thought about it,” she lied.

But the voices of the women fell away around her, their speculations about Cassian as a lover all but falling on her deaf ears as her mind tumbled away into fantasy. The night before – or earlier this morning, rather – as she’d fantasized about what it would be like to have sex with him, to feel his fingers inside her and his hands all over her. His surprise visit, and their kiss and the flaming arousal that had shot through every single part of her body, pulsing hard at her core so that she was desperate to get off again but couldn’t with him there in the bed (plus she was too tired anyway, if she had to be honest).

Then this morning…waking up with him…in the same bed with him…comforting but almost _too much_ for her senses to handle, the thought of being _in a bed with him_ and just wanting to _touch him_ but afraid to. His light kiss before he left, so weird and swift, it was as if it almost didn’t happen. Wondering if he, too, had been as affected as she, if he’d felt the need for release as badly as she did.

Jyn couldn’t stand it. Her fingers curled hard around her tumbler and she _couldn’t stand it_. It had been so long since she’d been intimate with anyone – a year at least – and she wasn’t the type of person to need people or need touch or closeness but Force, she yearned for it with Cassian. She wanted his touch and she wanted his body and she wanted _him_. In every way he’d let her.

“Bet he’d go two rounds, too,” Jezz concluded, elbows resting back on the bartop as she stared out at the crowd. Her drink was now gone.

“At least,” Nabelle agreed. “Man like that would pay good, you know.”

“I could make a lot offa him.”

“You could. Assuming he wanted to participate.”

“Hmph,” Jezz said, popping a fried chip into her mouth and brushing her hands together to rid them of the crumbs. “All I need is ten minutes with him. I’ll give him the most mind-blowing head of his life and have him coming like a podracer on Boonta Eve.”

“Do you mind?!” Jyn snapped. Jezz smirked and raised her eyebrows.

“What?” she asked. “Got a problem with blowjobs?”

Jyn clenched her teeth together, but didn’t bother to unclench her hand on her knee. “I _bite_ ,” she said with narrowed eyes.

“You know, that’s a kink to some men,” Nabelle said disinterestedly, craning her neck to see through the crowd. “Hey, Cari is here. I should go say hi to her. Has it really been that long since she had her baby?”

“Men must really get off on you, _Ilasha_ Mia,” Jezz said with a smile that was, bizarrely to Jyn, full of admiration. “You’re so different. You’re tough and just…I don’t know, just really strong, you know?”

“Right,” Jyn muttered, almost beyond able to continue her alias tonight. She’d have to talk to Cassian _soon_ about extraction.

Nabelle tilted her head, and Jyn looked that direction. Cassian’s eyes were on them, and he looked grimmer than usual. Jezz smiled and straightened, pushing her breasts up. He didn’t move a muscle.

“Might as well go and say hi again,” Nabelle suggested to Jezz.

“I should,” Jezz replied, and hopped off the stool. “Later, girls.”

“Oh, kriff, is Morton back?” Nabelle said once she was gone. She wrinkled her nose as another man walked in at the same time Evert did. “I thought he was back with his wife. You know, he has terrible manners, and she’s no better. Did I tell you she went to university with my best friend?”

Jezz started chatting with Cassian, and Jyn tore her gaze away. She swiveled back toward Nabelle. “No, you didn’t.”

“She did, and back then, she was spicing all the time. So she starts dating that loser there, and suddenly she decides, well, she’s just too good for my friend. And my friend decides that fine, if she’s going to be like that – ”

“Mia,” Evert said as he slid onto the barstool next to her. Exhausted but determined to keep going _(Keep going!)_ , she offered her cheek to him, and he gave it a kiss. “I bought you something.”

“Did you?” She turned her full attention on him, as she was supposed to. Cassian was reviewing information with Quartz in a corner now, and Jyn raised her chin and gave Evert her best smile. Internally, though, she grimaced. He’d been way too interested in her, and he had the money to buy her – or so he implied.

Evert reached into his coat and withdrew a soft pouch. Inside was a small bottle of expensive perfume. Jyn presented her inner wrist, and he sprayed it on. After a moment, the scent wafted up: warm, sensual, heady, with a hint of floral.

She shuddered without meaning to, and realized it had aphrodisiacs or pheromones in it.

“Beautiful,” he murmured, drawing the word out. He leaned in to her neck and kissed the pulse point below her ear, fingertips drifting across her naked thigh. The whisper of touch made her shiver, and she forced herself not to seek out Cassian with her eyes.

Evert gave Jyn a kiss on the temple as he rose. “I don’t have time to stay tonight, but I’ll be back in a few days’ time.” Another kiss, this one on top of her head. “Take care, my darling. Do you need anything while I’m out?”

Jyn looked up at him with a smile that was all genuine. This was the perfect opportunity to get out of the brothel. She and Cassian had been looking for one for a week now, so they could get to Dorviché, a bar that was a front for Rebel activity. “Not while _you’re_ out, but I do need some creds, please, for me to go out. For new dresses.”

He chuckled and handed her a few hundred-credit pieces. “Buy them in green. You know how much I like you in green.”

“Of course. Goodbye, Evert.”

He squeezed her hand and left, and Jyn watched him go. Nabelle had moved on and was sassing a young man who was crazy about her, and soon dragged him stumbling down the hallway to the bedrooms.

When Jyn returned her attention to the bar again, Cassian was right by her side, a shadow so silent she jumped in surprise.

“You scared me,” she said.

“You finished here?” he said shortly.

Jyn checked the time. Twenty-three. “Yes, I believe so.”

“Sleep well tonight.”

It was their code: he wanted to talk.

“Thank you,” Jyn replied, and added the coded response: “I’m sure I will.”

“Laundry?”

_Meet in the linen closet._

“I do have some to take down. Thank you for the reminder.”

He nodded, face stony and set in a deep frown, and moved away. Jyn lingered a few more minutes before leaving for her room. Half an hour later, after she’d changed and washed up, she headed to the linen closet. Cassian was already there.

“What did he want this time?” he asked without preamble. He made a face. “What’s that smell?”

“It’s perfume,” Jyn answered. “He wanted to give me perfume, and he gave me some credits for new dresses. We can go out tomorrow and get them.”

“Perfect.” A pause. A few heartbeats. “He likes you in green, does he?”

A jealous note had crept into his voice, something Jyn had never heard from him before and frankly, never expected to. It…sent a tingle through her, knowing he felt just the slightest amount of illogical, petty jealousy toward this other man, who they both knew meant absolutely nothing to Jyn. Whose life he could easily take if he wanted to.

“Apparently so,” she replied.

But his response also made anger flare up inside her, because –

“By the way, Jezz said she just needs ten minutes with you, and she’d have you coming like a podracer on Boonta Eve.”

It was bold and filthy and coarse and inappropriate and she said it straight to his face. Cassian's expression was something Jyn had never seen before and figured she would probably never see again: pure, dumb shock. He blinked hard at her and his mouth gaped open. For a moment, it appeared he was struck speechless.

“She said what?” he finally said.

“You heard me,” Jyn replied with a frown, arms crossed. “I saw you with her.”

“And you assumed I wanted it. Nice.” He came closer and grabbed her by the waist, yanking her tight to his hips. Then he ducked his head to hers. “I didn’t. I don’t want anyone here, not anyone I can have. I want what I can’t have, what I can’t touch. And for the record?” he added. “ _I_ like you in green,” he all but growled, before closing the small distance and kissing her. Jyn flattened her hand against his hard chest, feeling the muscle there underneath his clothes. She was tired, but keyed up being alone with him again. She had wanted it, thought about it all day, but didn’t know if he felt the same and if they’d get a chance to be alone, and even if they did, if it would just be talking about the mission. (That was important, of course, but she wanted just a minute or two for _them_ , too.) Cassian pressed her closer to him, backing up so that he was against the small table in the room, his knee nudging her legs apart so that his thigh pressed up into her center. She sucked in a breath at the sudden sensation and instinctively pushed down against him. Cassian moved his hands to her hips and began to rock her over his leg, slow and steady, building the pressure up easily through her thin sleep shorts and skimpy underwear.

“Does that feel good?” he breathed against her neck as he nuzzled it. “Do you like that?”

“Mm,” she moaned back, winding her arms around his neck and clutching the back of his head. He turned toward one arm and kissed it, stubble scratching her. Now she was moving her hips on her own, eyes closed, working herself up higher, and his hand came up to tilt her chin to meet his lips again. His tongue opened her mouth to his, and his hand dropped down to her tiny top, sliding underneath it to brush his thumb over her nipple. Jyn’s breath came sharply again, and Cassian readjusted ever so slightly to increase the pressure on her. He broke away from her mouth to look down at her body sliding against his, rocking her faster and faster as her breaths came quicker and quicker.

“Tell me,” he whispered, now sucking at her neck. “Tell me…”

“Yes…” Jyn held him tighter, more desperately. “Cass…Cassian,” she said, slipping and using his real name.

But he didn’t chastise her for breaking cover, just murmured, “Come on,” watching, watching, and she saw how aroused he was, the hard, thick line of his  cock straining against his pants. Seeing that, seeing how incredibly turned on he was by this, ratcheted her up higher until she grabbed his arm, squeezed tight, and shattered, crying out softly into his neck as she fell forward against his chest. He let go of her hips and held her while her movements on him slowed, as the waves of her climax slowed to ripples.

For a few moments, it was quiet as Jyn caught her breath. She just lay against Cassian’s chest, still straddling his leg on her tiptoes, her arms wrapped around him and his wrapped around her. Finally, she sighed out a breath, and she released him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All right, my dears, idk when I'll be able to update again, because my doc is a broken-up mess of various sections and notes since this got expanded (plus a few handwritten pages of plot outlining). So, it maybe be a couple weeks, sad to say. :( But, like any other writer on AO3, I am very encouraged and easily swayed by comments, so... Hahahaha.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things between Jyn and Cassian are quickly starting to get out of control. The Lady has a disturbing conversation with Jyn. Cassian doesn’t react well to it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I goofed on my research for the location of this fic. Turns out the POTU is way more disgusting than I first read about. As in, I gave it a cursory glance, thought _Cool! That works,_ and moved on. I thought it was more like a regular sketchy level of the Coruscant Underworld, but turns out? It’s totally gross. So, ne’ermind. I need to make some edits to chapter 1 anyway, so I’ll change things there and in the summary to reflect that I am now moving the location to a vague made-up level because tbh I am confused af about how Coruscant levels work (thanks, Wookieepedia). My location is still seedy and crime-ridden and in the Underworld, but not like the POTU where all the perverts live and shit goes down on the reg like whoa.
> 
> P TO THE S: YOU GUYS ARE AWESOME THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING 'N SUPPORTING 'N KUDOSING 'N OFC COMMENTING (YOUR COMMENTS ARE ALL SO AMAZING OMG) 'N TUMBLRING 'N ALL THE OTHER AWESOME STUFF YOU'VE BEEN DOING WITH THIS FIC. THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!!!!! <3 <3

Jyn

 

Cassian brushed his fingertips along her hairline, looking down at her as her heartrate slowed. “Good?” he murmured. Jyn gave him a tiny answering smile, sated for the moment. She stretched up to kiss his lips, and her left hand drifted down between them to where he was hard against her upper thigh. He had to be in pain, aching, the way she had been.

Her hand found him, and his hips jerked away at her touch. When her gaze caught his again, he gave her a bashful smile.

“Kind of on a short fuse right now,” he explained.

Jyn wasn’t the kind of person who had a sexy comeback to that, a _Let me fix that for you_ or _I can help with that_. Instead, she (like Cassian) showed her thoughts through her actions, and set about trying to undo his pants. However, as soon as her second hand joined her first, Cassian readjusted her over his body so she couldn’t touch him there.

It was a rejection, but he didn’t want it to seem like one.

“I’m fine,” he said quietly. “I’m okay.”

“You’re not,” Jyn pointed out, gesturing at his crotch even though her arms were by his sides thanks to the position he’d put them in with his arms wrapped around her. “I know you’re not.” _I can feel it_ were her unspoken words, but she wouldn’t voice something like that. _I can feel how turned on you are, Cassian._

“Do you want me to touch you?” she asked instead.

He was completely still for a moment. “It’s not a good idea,” he finally said. “Mia and Bexan can’t be seen like this if we’re caught. It’s highly improper. Quartz could terminate my contract if I touch you.”

“ _Your_ contract?” Jyn asked, pulling back and looking at him with a brow arched. “Or Bexan’s?”

Cassian didn’t acknowledge the slip.

“There are no cameras here,” Jyn said, “and I believe you already compromised us a few minutes ago.”

She leaned into him more, further pressing her body against him as she kissed him, and this time, he didn’t protest as her hand made its way down his front again. He groaned into her mouth when she settled it between his legs and applied just the tiniest amount of pressure, and Jyn kissed him harder. Her heel ground against him and he tore his lips from hers, one hand fisting the waist of her top and the other sliding up her thigh to dig his nails into her backside. His head fell to her shoulder for a few moments, and Jyn continued rubbing him through his pants as he clung tighter to her.

He began to tighten, and he raised his head again. Jyn moved her hand harder, faster on him. When she sensed the pressure was almost too much for him, she leaned her forehead to his, cupped the side of his face, and felt his breaths go in and out.

The muscles around his eyes and mouth began to clench, once, twice, then a third time, longer, and Jyn slowed her hand. He breathed out a sound more of relief than of pleasure, like a weight had been lifted from him rather than that he’d just experienced the sheerest human ecstasy.

Cassian’s hands relinquished their grip on Jyn’s clothes and body, and he wrapped his arms around her again. She clasped her hands around his neck. They still had their foreheads pressed together.

“That wasn’t necessary,” Cassian said after a moment, his voice drowsy and eyes closed. It was late, and after this, they both probably could have fallen asleep right there in that tiny closet.

Jyn smiled at his ridiculous statement but otherwise didn’t comment on it. “Spend the night with me again,” she whispered. Her voice was a little breathy, a little too hopeful, and she chastised herself. Perspective, that was what they needed to maintain, and she was being…well, not Jyn Erso, that was for sure.

Cassian opened his eyes and looked at her. She saw depths there that she’d never seen before, galaxies she could just fall into and get lost in. “I don’t want to say no,” he said.

“Don’t, then.”

His face shifted, and his eyes closed off again. Jyn could almost _see_ the neutral spy mask sliding back down. “You know I have to. It’s too dangerous. If they catch us – ”

Jyn held up a hand to cut him off. “I understood the first time.”

His lips pursed, and Jyn felt distance creep between them. “The reason we’re here,” he reminded her quietly.

“Yes,” Jyn said tersely. “I understand. _Sir,_ ” she muttered under her breath, throwing it in his face before she turned her back to him and took a step away.

But he was by her side in a second, before she could leave the room. “We’re already compromised,” he said. “How do we stop this?”

“We need to be…we need to _go_ ,” Jyn said. “They need to extract us. For a dozen reasons.”

“We need to get control.” The look in his eyes begged her. Jyn’s lips compressed, and her fists clenched.

“I have control,” she said levelly. “Do you?”

He didn’t end up spending the night with her, but that was fine by Jyn. She lay awake in the darkness, sensing that he probably wasn’t sleeping either, and she wondered, again, how long she could make it.

\---

After breakfast the next day, Jyn went to Quartz’s office to tell him she was going out on a shopping trip. He told her to take Bexan with her, as she and Cassian had both figured, and went back to filling out his taxes. The Lady followed Jyn back to her room, making small talk. Once the door was shut, though, the Lady sat on Jyn’s bed as she changed into something more appropriate for the outside world in the ’fresher.

“Do ya ever think of getting out?” the Lady asked.

“Out of what?” Jyn replied.

“Out of the life.”

_All the time._

“I do,” Jyn said. “You?”

The Lady shrugged and toyed with a string on the bedspread. “I know no other life, and this one’s been good to me. Quartz loves me.”

Jyn walked out of the ’fresher and to her closet to take her purse down so she could pack it. She hated carrying the stupid thing. A _purse_ , for Force’s sake. What would Saw think? “In his way.”

The Lady smiled and huffed through her nose. “In his way.” Out of the corner of her eye, Jyn saw the woman look up at her, and she met her sad gaze. “Have ya ever been in love, _ilasha_?”

Jyn’s hands clenched on the straps of her purse. “I haven’t.”

“Close?” Jyn shook her head. “Not even with a client, someone unattainable?”

“Haven’t really had much time for love, nor the place.”

The Lady’s gaze stared past Jyn, unfocused. “Ya much the same as Bexan, ya know. I don’t think he has either.”

“Well. I suppose that’s why we worked so well together, in the past.”

The Lady nodded, and Jyn studied her closely. “It’s a silly rule, isn’t it?”

A frown crossed Jyn’s face. Why must this woman speak in code? “What is?”

“That ya can only fuck ya host one last time before becoming _ilasha_ at a new club. Doesn’t seem fair.” She looked at Jyn with curiosity. “Does he fuck good? Do ya miss it?”

Before Jyn could stop herself, her eyes slipped to the floor. She couldn’t stand that gaze any longer, those eyes that had seen so much. “It’s not fucking,” she said.

“What is it, then?”

Jyn looked away so the Lady wouldn’t see her jaw clench.  _Lovemaking. At least that's what it_  would  _be_ _._ “Sex,” she said.

“Oh, so there’s a difference?” The Lady chuckled, but it wasn’t unkind. “At the end of the day, fucking is fucking, but go on, tell me what’s different with him. With Bexan.”

Jyn counted one, two, then three heartbeats as she cleared her mind, took a breath. Touched the memory of her and Cassian’s first night at the brothel together. The memory of his kiss, of his hands on her breast, her waist, her hips, rocking her over him, getting her off, letting her use him to achieve her pleasure, taking nothing for himself. Lips so soft she couldn’t understand how in the galaxy they _could_ be, a tongue expertly teasing every feeling from her mouth, drinking her in.

Then her fantasies of him, now that she knew what it felt like to touch him. To have him touch her. Fantasies that maybe with him, it might be different. With him, he might take the time to see what worked for her, what touches made her shiver, what made her break. The moment in the linen closet had been a shock to her, both in his boldness and the fact that she’d actually climaxed with him. She had before with other partners, but almost always it took more work on her part than she was usually willing to put in, and she wound up with a sort of hollow satisfaction. It all felt good, if a bit peripherally, but of course she never got the sense that she was wanted or needed or that how she felt truly mattered – which was fine and always had been.

Until now. When she wondered, in idle moments, if, _with him_ , it would be different.

Did he wonder the same thing? Was his past as littered with inattentive, routine lovers as hers was? While he at least had the male benefit of most likely achieving orgasm each time, was it something that even actually felt good for him? Did he take his time, or did he just push himself hard and fast through it to get there, to get the release out and then avoid looking his partner in the eye the way Jyn did? Were they people he cared about? Or just quick, anonymous fucks? Somehow, she doubted that. While she figured he was much the same as her and used sex when he needed to, she had seen vulnerabilities in him no one else had. She barely knew the man, but she felt like she knew him in a way others didn’t. So no, she didn’t think he was the kind of asshole who just picked someone up to get off with and then kicked her out of his quarters immediately afterward. He probably didn’t spend half an hour cuddling in post-coital bliss, but he wasn’t cold.

Truth be told, Jyn thought, Cassian probably focused on his partner’s pleasure as much as his own, when he could.

Jyn yanked her mind back to the present, hoped her cheeks didn’t look as warm as they suddenly felt. She could lie in response to the Lady’s question about Bexan’s sexual prowess. She could say anything she wanted, as long as she didn’t hurt Bexan’s reputation or make him look dangerous.

The Lady was waiting for an answer. Jyn shrugged a shoulder, nonchalant. “I guess there’s not really a difference,” she said. “You’re right. Bexan is just like everyone else when…” She trailed off and pretended to go through her purse in search of something.

The atmosphere in the room changed at Jyn’s answer, and it was still. The feeling was one of anticipation, of danger lurking around the next corner, and Jyn’s muscles tightened for action.

“Ya in love with him,” the Lady breathed, shock permeating her voice.

Jyn snorted in a most unladylike way. “I’m not,” she said. Her mind shot into hyperdrive, wanting to start talking, making up a backstory, an excuse, a reason, validation for why she’d said what she’d said and why the Lady thought what she thought. _Say little,_ Cassian’s voice said in the back of her head, a memory from one of their impromptu Intelligence training moments. _Listen. Give away nothing of yourself. Ever._ It had been cold, disturbing, at the time, but now, she understood.

The Lady stood and came toward Jyn, who wanted nothing more than to knock her unconscious and run. _Running isn’t always the answer, Jyn. Sometimes, staying and fighting quietly is the right path._

Was that one Cassian or Chirrut? She couldn’t be sure right now.

When the Lady wrapped her arms around Jyn, her muscles tensed further. “I’m sorry,” the woman said, voice muffled by Jyn’s shoulder. The hug felt like it would never end. “I had someone like him once. ’Bout killed me to give him up.”

Jyn didn’t move. She didn’t speak. She didn’t trust her voice or her words.

Finally the hug ended, and Jyn could breathe again. She didn’t like how the unexpected affection felt.

It felt terrible.

The Lady smiled at her. “I hear ya may have a new patron. A man named Evert? That is very good news for ya.”

Jyn forced her own smile. _None_ of this felt comfortable to her, and she wished Cassian would hurry up and get to her room so they could go and she could escape this woman.

“It’ll be good for ya,” she continued. “Then ya will no longer think about Bexan.” Again, Jyn said nothing. The Lady gave her another smile, this one conspiratorial, knowing. “He must have really got to ya.”

Jyn’s answering smile was tight. “No one gets to us in our line of work, Lady. You know that better than anyone.”

She laughed. “That I do.”

Finally Cassian (Jyn assumed) knocked at the door, and Jyn turned to answer it. “Enjoy your day,” the Lady said as Jyn left, and Jyn couldn’t hit the closer fast enough.

\---

“Mia, slow down!”

Jyn measured her pace and waited for Cassian to catch up two streets over from the brothel. Once he did, his eyes shot around, and he pulled her into an alleyway and behind a building and gripped her upper arms.

“What’s the matter with you?!” he hissed. “We’re on an undercover op here still!”

“I can’t do this,” Jyn retorted. “I hate Intelligence work, and I want to transfer out.”

To his credit, Cassian didn’t show any shock at her strong words, which to him would not be surprising but would still have come out of nowhere at this moment. “What happened? Have we been compromised?”

“She knows there’s something between us.”

“The Lady?”

“Yes.”

“What did she say?”

“She – ” Jyn sharply cut herself off, and her face warmed. Taking a deep breath and letting it out, she continued in a calmer voice, “She asked me about you and your… _skills_ …and she just seemed to give me the impression that she thought there was something between us.”

“‘Seemed to give you the impression that she thought there was something,’” Cassian repeated. “What were her exact words?”

“Does it matter?!”

“It does.”

Jyn bit her cheek and ignored the racing of her heart. _Deliver it to him like a report. That’s what this is. It’s a mission, and he’s your boss for it. Technically. It’s just a report. You’ve done this before._ “She asked if you were a good lay and said I was in love with you.”

Like the night before in the closet when Jyn had repeated Jezz’s words, he showed her another shocked expression, this time recoiling as if hit. His hands squeezed her arms tighter.

“And what did you say?” he asked, words staccato.

Jyn quirked a brow at him. “Curious?”

Cassian shook his head, consternated now. “No, not about…I don’t care if I’m…that’s not what I mean. How did you handle the conversation? This is important.”

“I didn’t really say anything,” Jyn said, burning under the intensity of his scrutiny. He was one-hundred-percent in mission mode, and he wouldn’t relent until he’d gotten the answers he needed and could be assured their mission was still secure. “Just a vague answer.”

“To which question?”

“The sex question. You’re welcome.”

“And the other?”

Jyn’s mouth refused to work. She couldn’t even open it. Cassian gently shook her.

_“The other question, please.”_

“I denied it, obviously,” she snapped. “What kind of idiot do you think I am?”

Cassian let go of her and leaned up against the building. Jyn could almost hear him thinking. “I don’t understand what spurred this.”

Jyn shrugged at him. “I don’t, either. She followed me back to my room after I told Quartz we were going out, and then she just started talking to me. Maybe she just needed to talk. I really don’t think it’s anything more than that. She thinks my heart’s broken because you and I can’t see each other anymore. That’s all it is.”

Cassian looked at her sideways. “Is it?”

Jyn gave him a frown and smoothed her hair back from where it had drifted out of its style. “What, you think she knows?”

Cassian shook his head and looked up at the sky, high above them and completely blocked by buildings. “No, I don’t think so. She would’ve told Quartz.”

As they headed back to the street and continued their walk, Jyn reflected on the conversation. They were talking without actually talking, tiptoeing around the giant bantha in the room. Cassian as usual was inscrutable, and Jyn wanted to know what was in his mind.

He was looking everywhere but at her.

As they were about to cross the plaza to the boutique most of The Heartmoon’s girls shopped at, a mechanical female voice to Jyn’s right said, “Halt. Scandocs.”

She and Cassian stopped and turned, coming face to face with two Imperial stormtroopers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still have a lot more work left to do on this -- it's shaping up to actually be the size of a (short) novel somehow??? wat?? -- but I'm also working on an arranged marriage AU, too, so it still might be the same two-week delay in updating, folks. Sowwy. :(


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jyn finally punches someone. In other news, they get caught in the middle of a turf war and have no choice but to hide out in an old apartment until it’s over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Too much tension, you say…?

Jyn

 

They handed their docs over smoothly. The stormtrooper, Jyn was surprised to see, only gave the docs a cursory glance before handing them back.

“You new?” she asked Jyn, mild interest in her voice. It wasn’t unfriendly, Jyn noticed, and she relaxed just a tiny bit.

“She is,” Cassian said. “We didn’t mean to cause any trouble.” The trooper waved him off. Her partner stood back, watching the exchange and looking completely unthreatening.

“Not at all. I’m Halsey. I watch out for the girls around here.” To Jyn, she said, “Need to be armed in these parts, no matter you have a man or not. Go to Lon’s Blasters. Ask for the Ladies’ Special. My girlfriend has that model and loves it. It's real cute. Easy to use, trusty, can’t go wrong.”

“Thank you,” Jyn said, and the trooper nodded.

“He’s a couple blocks over. Let him know Halsey sent you.”

“I will. Thank you again.”

“Sure thing. If the Empire doesn’t watch out for its people, who will? You folks take care.”

Halsey touched two fingers to her helmet and moved off with her partner, who commented on something she saw down the street. Jyn resisted the urge to stare after them. Never before in her life had she had an interaction like _that_ with Imps. Cassian, of course, said nothing, his face impassive. Jyn wondered, as she often did, what he was thinking.

\---

Dress shopping bored Jyn nearly to catatonia, and if it made her feel this way, she couldn’t imagine how Cassian must be feeling. He was either playing his role as Bexan and looking bored, or was, in reality, truly bored. (Or both.) Jyn completed the errand as quickly as she could, buying a few dresses she wished right away that she could put in an incinerator. If she never had to wear them, she’d consider herself truly lucky.

Only one of the skimpy dresses was green. Cassian commented that she needed a variety of colors, and he was truly out of touch with women if he thought she didn’t know why he was saying that.

They stood for a quick lunch at a hovercart on the street, then headed to Dorviché. After a complex back and forth between Cassian and the bartender that was all clearly code, they were taken into the backroom and down a concealed staircase to the shielded basement.

“Andor, good to see you,” a middle-aged Rebel with a shaved head said, clapping Cassian on the back. He took a swig of his beer. “What can we do you for?”

“Need to slice some surveillance cameras,” Cassian replied and handed the chip over before he indicated Jyn. “My partner, Sergeant Erso.”

The Rebel’s eyebrows went up, and he conspicuously scanned Jyn up and down. “You usually dress that way for illegal insurgencies, or…?”

Jyn posted her fists on her hips and snarled, “Undercover, you two-bit, nerf-herding bucket of Hutt slime.”

The Rebel drew back with a whistle and inserted the chip into the console. “Didn’t mean to offend.”

“Not a good idea, Nurn,” Cassian said as he watched the footage. “She’s being polite.”

Nurn chuckled and snagged a wheeled chair, dropping down into the seat and shoving off the floor with his feet. He zoomed across the polished floor up to the console next to Cassian. “Always could use some extra spunk around here.”

“She’s going to put her spunk in your face. Shut it.”

For the next hour, Cassian worked with Nurn to hack into The Heartmoon’s surveillance cameras and insert the recorded footage Cassian had gathered from Jyn’s bedroom. He’d set it up as a loop so that should anyone ever watch, it would look like Jyn was occasionally in there entertaining. It was unlikely the security workers would actually check to see if she was, or if the man in the image truly was the man she was with. Nurn gave Cassian override codes if he should ever need to turn the recording off, and they were set to go.

“Thanks for the help,” Cassian said as they were leaving.

“Always glad to help out some Intel folks,” Nurn said. “Even though you people scare me a little.”

“One more thing,” Jyn added, and when Nurn turned his head to look at her, she swung her fist into his cheek. He spun and went down. “That’s for being an asshole.” Then she stepped up and over him with her high heels, and he moaned in pain.

“You never did learn to listen, Nurn,” Cassian remarked before following Jyn up the stairs. She could swear she heard a smile in his voice.

\---

They were walking across the plaza again when Jyn heard a familiar whining sound in the distance. She looked at Cassian, who had that same pinched look on his face she remembered from Jedha City. _Tell me you have a backup plan._

The blaster fire came closer, shouts and curses from half a dozen male voices accompanying it. For a split-second Jyn panicked, wondering how she was supposed to run in high heels and knowing she sure as hells wasn’t going to run on these dirty streets without shoes on.

Cassian’s eyes flicked down to her feet, and he saw her predicament. He yanked his blaster out from its holster and grabbed her arm, pulling her carefully along toward an abandoned building across the way. Jyn stumbled over the cracked street, but he was able to keep her upright.

“This way,” a voice directly to her left said. A black glove, shielded by white armor, grabbed her other arm. They had no choice now but to let Halsey and her partner drag them to a closer building, shooting as she went. “Turf war,” she explained. “You folks chose the wrong day to shop. Got caught between the two worst gangs down here.”

They stopped at the end of a grubby alley, and Jyn glanced at Cassian. His stony face told her he half-expected this to be a trap, that they’d been found out, and for them to be executed as Rebels. But instead, Halsey shot the lock on the door of a boarded up building, and when the door didn’t open, gave it a powerful kick. It snapped open, then started to close again. She jumped in and blocked it.

“Get in,” she ordered, voice tight with strain. “Old shopkeeper’s place up the back steps. You’ll be safe there for a little bit.”

The two Rebels did as they were told. Once Halsey released the door, it slammed back into place, and the dark shop was silent except for the sounds of blaster fire, shouts of hate, and screams of the dying.

\---

Their eyes adjusted to the gloom, and they made their way to a rickety, tightly spiraled staircase leading up to a second floor. Blaster holes riddled the half-open door to the apartment, and dusty artificial light shone in beams through them. Cassian shoved the door open, and they walked in.

Whatever had happened here had been violent. Upended furniture and belongings strewed the room. Carbon scoring dotted the walls. Blood smeared the cheap carpeting. They wandered around, taking things that might be of use to them later and storing them in Jyn’s shopping bag. Eventually Jyn wandered to a clean bedroom with a creaky bed – the violence clearly had not touched this area. A small window let in light and a view of the fight below. It didn’t look to be dying down any time soon. She thought she glimpsed Halsey and her partner in the fray, but it was hard to tell with the other stormtroopers who had gotten called in to defuse it.

“Guess we’re stuck here for a bit,” Jyn said as she swung her legs on top of the bed. She bent over and removed the painful shoes, groaning at the ache in her feet. “I’d rather be punched in the face than wear those another day.”

“I’m sure that can be arranged.” Cassian sat on the foot of the bed next to her and brought her left foot into his lap. He started to massage it with his strong hands, working slowly, using the exact right amount of pressure. Jyn narrowed her eyes.

“Intelligence technique?” she said.

“Month four of training.”

He said it with a perfectly straight face, not even cracking a hint of a smile, and Jyn caught herself smiling instead.

“We have to keep our guard up,” Cassian said, “but we’re safe for now.”

Jyn sighed and let her head rest back on the pillow, not caring that it was somebody else’s bed (and a dead person’s at that). She closed her eyes and focused on the sounds of the fight, ears tightly tuned to how close it got to their location.

But then her senses shifted as she felt a featherlight kiss on top of her foot. Then another, a little higher up…then another…and another.

Jyn opened her eyes. Cassian held her leg in his hands, slowly kissing higher, hands sliding up her skin. Soon, he got to the hem of her skirt, and he kissed over it, up, up, to her hip, her side, the top of her breast, her neck, her jaw, her cheek, her ear. His warm hands rested at her waist.

“I’m sorry about your conversation this morning,” he whispered. “If we’d chosen a different culture, if that idiot Medrian hadn’t picked this one, you wouldn’t have been in that situation.”

“It’s fine,” Jyn said, giving him a kiss along his sharp jaw. “I handled it.”

“It’s getting more difficult for us to work together.” His breath was hot against the side of her face, and he kissed her ear, then her pulse below it, and she couldn’t help her soft gasp.

“What did you want me to say?” Jyn asked, her heart beating hard in anticipation, her lips twitching at how close he was. Cassian moved down her body again and placed a kiss below her collarbone, to the bare skin showing there. Her top dipped low and tied around her neck, and he ran his fingers under one of the straps.

“Whatever you could,” he replied. “Lie.” He looked at her, dark eyes intense, too intense, and her lips parted at the intensity of his gaze. Still watching her, his hands slid up to the back of her neck, and he undid the bow there. He brought his hands back down, the straps in each of them, and broke his gaze from hers to lower his head to the top of her breast. She was still covered, but only for a moment, because he then pulled one strap down further and revealed her to him for the first time. Cassian’s other hand let go of the strap and drifted down her side, coming to rest between her legs, over her skirt. A bolt shot straight down to her core.

When he took her nipple between his lips, she cried out and arched into him, and immediately felt a flood of embarrassment at her overreaction. But it only spurred him on, and he mouthed greedily at her. The hand below slipped under her skirt and into her underwear, _finally_ , and he rubbed his knuckles against her.

He sucked at her nipple again, then released it and hovered over her face. “You’re wet,” he whispered. “Oh, you’re so wet. You’re all over my fingers.”

And he was _saying_ these things, actually _saying them to her face_ , and Jyn flushed scarlet at the words, ones she’d never have expected from a man so uptight and professional as him.

But they only dampened her further, turned her on even more, hearing him speak to her like that, hearing him tell her about her own body and how it felt to him.

Cassian kissed her hard, opened his fist and pressed the heel of it against her clit, and she cried into his mouth. He parted her briefly, sending a thrill through her when the air touched her, before his fingers teased at her opening, touching her, caressing her, even as she pushed her hips toward them, desperate. She was overwhelmed, having his hands on her skin finally. Overwhelmed and wanting more, all of it, now, all at once. Furious at how he was toying with her, she grabbed at his pants, trying to reach the hardness that dug painfully into her thigh. Desperate to see him, too.

But he just shifted deftly away, out of her reach.

“What do you want from me?” he asked, voice level and smooth. “Tell me what you want.” His lips by her ear again, his voice low. “Tell me everything.”

 _“No,”_ she growled, but a thrill ran through her again as they wrestled for the upper hand. “I’m not going to _beg_ you. Or do you like that? Is that what you want?”

“No.” The pressure of his hand increased again, and Jyn couldn’t help but push back against it, needing to feel the friction and the torture. But only for a moment, and then she clamped her thighs tight around his arm and grabbed the collar of his shirt. She pulled him closer to her.

“And what about you?” she said, voice too tight, face too hot. “What is it _you_ want? Why don’t _you_ tell me everything? Tell me what you did that night you left the bar for fifteen minutes for no reason. Tell me.” She arched her neck up and placed her lips right against his ear, lowering her voice to the slightest whisper. “Or do you not need to because I already know?”

In response he shoved two fingers inside her, and a short laugh escaped her at her victory. She moaned in pleasure and gripped his shoulders before kissing him.

“You don’t know what game you’re playing,” Cassian said. “I’m not someone to play with.”

“Nor am I,” Jyn said, rocking her hips into his fingers, pushing them deeper inside her. “Give me what I want.” At her command, his fingers instead slowed inside her. Jyn bent her head to his again. “Don’t pretend you can’t, or won’t. We both know you won’t stop.”

“Until what?” he whispered, stroking faster again, mouth right near hers, breath mingling with hers.

“I think you want this just as bad as I do,” she replied. “Why don’t you tell me when you’ll stop?”

Cassian shifted on the bed, moving closer to her and allowing himself to more easily pleasure her. “Not till you come on my fingers.”

His lips collided with hers then, and his hand moved faster and faster. She grabbed onto his wrist, and her head fell back against the pillow. Achieving orgasm with other partners had been difficult half the time before, but Cassian had built up her arousal to near unbearable levels, so that she felt she could come at any time if he kept pushing at her. She squeezed her eyes shut tight, focusing, almost too turned on to come. She moaned in frustration. Her body twisted, seeking the right angle, and he rolled her to her side and nestled up behind her, his cock pressing hard into the crease of her backside. His fingers circled her clit, slowly, methodically, and it didn’t surprise her, not in the slightest, that this was the way he went about this.

“You can get there,” he whispered in her ear. “Get there for me.”

Then he began speaking in another language, not the native tongue she’d heard him occasionally use before but something else she didn’t recognize, and she didn’t know what he was saying but it was beautiful and sexy and she got the gist of it. He slid his fingers back into her again, and she was close, so close, _so close and…_

Jyn came with a cry, squeezing her thighs together around his hand, her whole body clenching in on itself. Cassian kissed her shoulder, and his free hand caressed her body as the orgasm rippled out of her.

Finally, his fingers slowed to a stop, and Jyn’s eyes fluttered open. She smiled as he shifted, gently turning her onto her back again, and then leaned down to kiss her breasts again. Her eyes closed again and she let out a soft, contented breath, her hands cradling his head, fingers through his hair, as she kissed him.

It felt, for the first time ever, like they had all the time in the galaxy.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jyn and Cassian have a little more time together. They talk about their pasts, but it’s difficult, and the words don’t come easily. Especially for Cassian.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you SO MUCH to everyone who has subscribed! Wow!!! :D I appreciate each and every subscription. Thank you, too, for all the comments and kudos and reads. I’m so glad you all like this story so much. :))))

Jyn

 

Before Jyn could recover her breath, Cassian was moving down, kissing lower, and suddenly, she seized up when she realized where he was headed and what his intentions were.

Then she started to back away, into the headboard. One of Cassian’s hands immediately grabbed hers, and he looked up in concern.

“What is it?” he asked.

“I don’t like that,” she said. “It doesn’t feel good.”

Cassian gave her a perplexed frown. “No?”

Jyn pulled her knees up and wrapped her arms around them. “I don’t think any woman likes it, really. They’re just trying to make men feel better.”

His eyebrows rose. “Clearly you haven’t listened to some of the ladies at the club.” Jyn looked away, and Cassian came up to sit by her. He brought her hand to his mouth and kissed the back of it. “Actually, you’ve clearly been with the wrong people. No one has taken their time with you.” He looked up at her, eyes open and sincere. “But I will. I want to kiss you and touch every part of you.” Cassian leaned over and kissed her lips, but her return kiss was faint. “I want to do this. Will you let me? Will you trust me? Let me take care of you again.”

Jyn looked into his eyes, and he brushed her hair back behind her ear and then kissed her forehead.

“I’ll stop anytime you want me to,” he said quietly.

“Okay,” Jyn said jerkily. “How do you want to start?”

“Like this.” Cassian wrapped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her to him, kissing her with such intensity and passion she could hardly breathe. His other hand stroked up and down her back under her top, and he broke from her with a ragged breath. “Can I take your shirt off?” he asked.

“Yes, yes,” she gasped against his lips, nodding. She raised her arms and his warm hands skimmed up her sides, taking the skimpy piece of fabric with it. Her arms wrapped around his neck when she was free of it, and her mind shot an image straight to the forefront of them holding one another with her bare breasts pressed to his bare chest. “Cassian…” she whispered, and damn their covers; no one could hear them anyway. “Yours…”

He reached his arms behind him and pulled the shirt off over his head in one swipe, withdrawing both arms and throwing it to the floor. When Jyn held him again, felt his skin against hers, she sighed and lay her cheek against his left shoulder, her other hand near the Scarif injury on his right. His muscles moved under her hands as he held her, kissed her, and she turned her face to his again to kiss him back.

Eventually, Cassian’s face dipped lower, and he began to kiss down her body again. Jyn lay back and took a deep breath, opening her legs to him and trusting him. The soft fabric of her underwear slid down her thighs and past her knees, and he left them there for her. He also left her skirt on. His first kisses were above her center, just on her mound, as if he were slowly easing her into it. He placed gentle kisses down to her opening, and it didn’t really feel like much at all, so she felt okay.

Then his hand reached up to lay over hers on the coverlet, and she felt his tongue on her in one long, slow, broad swipe up.

For a moment, Jyn saw white.

It was truly like nothing she’d ever felt before.

Whereas before, the couple men who had given it a go had put effort in but had terrible, embarrassing technique that left Jyn feeling disgusting rather than pleasured, Cassian took his time, almost…she didn’t want to use the word, but… _worshiping_ her in the way he did it. It was clear to her that he was doing it for her, yes, but it was something he enjoyed, too. Every once in a while, she’d open her eyes and catch a glimpse of his face, serene, eyes shut, and she couldn’t believe he liked it, that he’d _want_ to. A sigh would occasionally escape his lips, like he found contentment in this.

After a while, he switched techniques, from slowly working her up to building the orgasm more aggressively. Cassian moved harder on her, occasionally using his fingers again, and in turn Jyn’s body pushed itself back of its own accord, further onto him. He hooked his arms around her thighs, hauling her even closer. He groaned, causing another wave of wetness to flood her. She was completely soaked, from her own arousal and from his tongue, and his mouth lit up every nerve in her body. Jyn clenched the coverlet in her hands and grit her teeth, wanting to scream but knowing she couldn’t. Never before had she enjoyed this, and furthermore, she had never climaxed from it. But Cassian was getting her there, oh, he was, so patient and persistent and dedicated as he was. He drank her up with enthusiasm, as if he took more joy from it than she did. His tongue slid in and out of her, and she let out a whimper. Her whole body quaked in tiny tremors, a strong climax building and building and building.

She was going to come _hard_. Harder than she ever had in her whole life.

Her body rocked into his mouth as he licked at her and sucked at her clit, and then with a final few, determined flicks of his tongue and thrusts of his fingers, she flew over the edge so hard she clenched her teeth to try to hold back the noises she desperately wanted to make. They still escaped anyway. Cassian kept his fingers in her, but moved up to her face again to kiss her as she continued to come, drawing the orgasm out longer. His other hand gripped hers tight where it clenched the pillow at her face.

Finally, Jyn collapsed on the mattress, breathing hard, eyes closed, and she didn’t speak.

\---

It felt like ages passed before Jyn moved again. She was content, for the first time in so, so long, just curled up into Cassian’s side, drowsy and loose-limbed.

“Good?” Cassian asked. Jyn opened her eyes and blinked at him. There was almost…a quiet note of _need_ in his voice…a need for validation. Like he just had to know. He had to _hear_ it. “Okay?”

Jyn’s hand came up to his cheek, the backs of her fingers running down it. “I’ve never…”

Cassian reached up to clasp her hand. “Never what?” he asked gently. Jyn frowned as she thought, but then her brow smoothed out again. She shook her head a little.

“With others, I…there was never…”

She saw the moment on his face when he understood: she’d never had an orgasm with a man through oral, until him.

_Until him._

“I’m…” he started, trailed off. “That’s…selfish.”

“Not much time to explore when there’s only ten minutes.”

“I know.” He brushed his thumb along her lips. “I’ve not…I…I’ve always tried to be…”

Jyn stretched up to kiss him. Her hands held his face, thumbs tracing back over his cheekbones, his eyebrows, fingers in his hair. “Did you get tired of it?”

“Yes,” he answered. “Every time. But I needed…I _needed_ …”

“Closeness. Release. Touch.”

“It was so long sometimes,” Cassian said as he stared into her eyes, as if he wanted to confess everything, bare his entire heart to her. She knew he did. It was the exact same look in his eyes from the hangar on Yavin 4. “Alone.”

“Anyone more than once?” she asked.

“A few.”

“Twice?”

He nodded. “Yes. Four times, once. She thought I was – ” He stopped abruptly. “Funny,” he finished, his voice hollow.

Jyn smiled, feeling adoration well up in her _._ “You?” she whispered, but it was kind.

Cassian swallowed. “She had a kid. A six-year-old. Had him young. Didn’t know who the father was, but didn’t care. He was her world. She got him away from her planet when it went to the hells. Worked supplies. Always got me stuff I liked from…home.” He looked away and straightened out a wrinkle in the coverlet. “I showed her son a few things. Stuff a boy needs to know. He thought I was worth something. He told me all the time that I was nice.” He smoothed out another wrinkle. “Obviously he didn’t know me that well.”

“He knew you well enough.” Jyn stroked his hair. “What happened to her?”

“I don’t know,” he said.

“I’m sorry.”

He shrugged. It was a dismissal, but Jyn understood. She would have done the same exact thing: shrugged and moved on.

Only now, she could do a little more.

She placed her palm against his chest, fingers splayed, and pressed him over onto his back. He rolled, complying, and she lowered her mouth to his to drop a kiss that soon turned deeper. His tongue moved into her mouth and tangled with hers, and her hair came down completely as his fingers slid into it again (he was fond of doing that, she realized). Jyn used one hand to balance herself on the bed, and the other, she trailed down his chest, caressing hard muscles until she got to his navel and the line of hair disappearing down beneath his waistband. She danced her two middle fingers up and down the line, his muscles twitching with the teasing. Then she dragged her hands to his belt and pants, and she focused intently on what she was doing, pushing the nerves out. Cassian was very still, very silent, and she supposed that maybe she should have felt more nervous about him seeing her almost naked than about seeing him that way. She felt weirdly shy about it – this was _Cassian_ , of all people – so when she got him unbuckled and unzipped, she left one hand there and returned her lips to his, letting her hand explore blindly.

Force, he was _hard_.

Another wave of arousal washed through her at the thought of sinking down on him, of that thick cock – because she could tell by the way her hand wrapped around him, that he was a nice size – filling her up, stretching her _almost_ beyond comfortably. Squeezing him, moving on him, having him hit her just right so that she came during it…

“Ah,” he winced, and Jyn wrenched her mind back to the present. Cassian’s fingertips brushed back over her cheekbones. “A little gentler.”

“Sorry,” she whispered, with a kiss to apologize. “What do you like?”

He took her hand and he showed her: pressure here, gentleness there, quickness here. As they worked together, facing each other on their sides, as she heard his sighs, his hitching of breath, his moans, as she felt his body react to her touch, as she witnessed the flickers of pleasure on his face, Jyn’s heart pounded. She couldn’t keep her thoughts in any longer. She pulled his face to hers with her free hand and captured his lips in a bruising kiss, and she said, and she hated the desperate undercurrent of, Force, near- _begging_ in her voice, _“I want you.”_

“I know,” Cassian replied, and his free hand clenched her face so hard it almost hurt. “Fuck, Jyn, _I know._ ”

“I’ve got the shot,” she said. “We can – ”

“We can’t, we can’t,” he interrupted. “It’s already gone too far.”

But he said it as they were both bringing him close to climax, and he spilled over mere seconds after the words left his mouth.

The effect of his denial, therefore, was completely lost on Jyn, but she didn’t bother saying anything. It wouldn’t have mattered anyway.

He knew, just as well as she did, how stupid his words were.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eep! We're getting there!! It's _looking_ good for updating weekly now, barring anything unexpected coming up, ofc. ~~Although if that's the case I need to get my ass in gear and get some more chapters written in the next 7 days eep eep!!~~
> 
> P.S. Sorry to bring the mood down in this chapter, friends. The conversation just kind of came out of nowhere when Jyn started confessing.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cassian and Jyn return to the brothel. Cassian checks on the security tape footage to be sure it’s working. He has a friend.

Cassian

 

The fight finally ended half an hour later. Jyn and Cassian waited a little longer in the relative safety of the apartment before heading back out into the streets again. When they returned to the brothel, the Lady was waiting for them, anxiously pacing the front entryway.

“Mia! Ya alive!” She threw her arms around Jyn, who froze with surprise. “We were so worried about ya.”

“Thank you,” Jyn said stiffly. Cassian didn’t blame her. This wasn’t kindness they were used to. “We stayed out of the way.”

“And Bexan, ya protected her and got her home safe.” The Lady let go of Jyn and smiled up at Cassian as she shook his hand. “Ya will always have a home with us. Thank ya.”

She walked off, and Cassian watched her, disconcerted. Then his frown deepened, and his eyes flicked to Jyn briefly before he headed further into the building.

“I’ll take your bags to your room,” he said gruffly, disappearing behind Bexan. Jyn followed him and her purchases back through the brothel. After he deposited them on her bed, he said, “Back to work,” meaning that he was going to check on the security camera in her room to be sure the hack was working correctly. He didn’t doubt it was, of course – Nurn may have had a problem knowing when to keep his mouth shut, but his work was top-notch. There was no way the Alliance would have stationed him at Dorviché if not. Still, Cassian always felt better when he’d double-checked these sorts of things, and besides, he needed some distance from Jyn now that they were back at The Heartmoon Club. Their time in the apartment had been a little…

 _Too_ intense.

Resk was working the security booth, tapping away at a game on his datapad with a glazed look of boredom while a Corellian soap opera played on the small portable holovid in the corner. Cassian cocked his head and frowned at the show for a moment, fascinated by how something so ridiculously unrealistic and overdramatic could keep anyone’s attention. But maybe that’s how it was here, in another life, when you were unaware of the larger war raging.

Cassian felt a brief spike of jealousy for this simple man.

The security guard, only a few years younger than Cassian but face so smooth, so unlined, so carefree, reached into a bag of crisps to the side of the holovid and grabbed a handful. Then he saw Cassian and spun around.

“Sorry,” he said, mouth full. “Didn’t know you was there.”

Cassian waved it off. “No problem. I just wanted to review the tapes since I was gone.”

Resk vacated his seat, taking the snack bag with him. “Yeah, I heard about what happened in the plaza. You guys okay? I was worried. I mean, not about _you_ , clearly you can handle yourself, but Mia, she probably don’t know how to handle a blaster, you know?”

Cassian nodded slowly, starting to review the footage from the last few hours on each of the holoscreens. “I do know.”

“It’s a good thing she had you there.”

Cassian didn’t answer that. “How did your maths exam go?”

“Good,” Resk said with a series of rapid nods. “Real good. Those tricks you showed me with them variables, they worked like a charm. And when you said about when you take away from one side, you have to take away from the other.”

“Good work.”

“Thanks. And thanks for taking the time last week. I appreciate it. My ma and pa, they don’t get the school thing. Not real big supporters of education, my ma and pa.”

Cassian started reviewing the row above the one with Jyn’s room, systematically working his way through, even though he was itching to get to her screen. “What about Tini and Ilsi?”

Resk shrugged and dropped into the other chair in the room, bending over and pulling out his reader from his bag when he saw that Cassian was going to be there for a bit. “They would rather I get a more working class job to support them. But Ilsi is turning one next week, you know, and I don’t got insurance through here and her well visits ain’t covered down here.” He shrugged again. “Up top they cover that kinda care, but down here, nah, kids don’t matter. Like you’re less of a person ’cause you live down here. How’m’I s’posed to pay for a visit when I can’t get no overtime here? Quartz is good, I mean he take good care-a me, but he don’t got the creds neither.”

Cassian turned away from the holoscreens. The weight of the extra credits in his pocket that Jyn had given him felt suddenly heavy. She hadn’t spent all of Evert’s money.

“How much is a well visit?” he asked.

“Well, it’s thirty if you want a shoddy doc who operates on sewer rats half his time” –  Cassian smiled at the humor – “a hundred-twenty-five for someone decent.” He shook his head and went back to his reading. “I don’t got that kinda creds.” He looked up again, staring at the ceiling. “What I need, what I _really_ need, is some cheap insurance.”

“Yeah,” Cassian said hollowly, thinking of all his injuries and how much they must have cost the Alliance. He dug into his pocket and pulled out the remaining seventy-five credits, then held them out to the younger man. “Here,” he said. “That should help a bit. I’ll talk to Quartz about insurance. Can’t guarantee you a retirement plan, though.”

Resk looked over the credit chits for a few moments, then finally murmured, “Thanks.” Cassian turned back around to the screens. Finally he got to Jyn’s row and began going through the footage. When he got to hers, his chest tightened briefly…

…but it was fine. Nurn had come through. The slicing was superb. No one would know the difference.

“She’s so pretty,” Resk said from behind him, his voice quiet. A chill ran down Cassian’s spine.

“They all are,” he said.

“But she just…” The other man stood and came up behind Cassian’s shoulder, leaning in to look at the footage of Jyn playacting a sexual encounter with Cresh. “I love my girl, don’t get me wrong, but Mia is like…the stars.”

Cassian moved on to the next screen, minimizing Jyn’s. He refused to think about what had happened not even half an hour ago in the shopkeeper’s apartment. _Refused._ “That’s why she’s _ilasha_.”

“You must be made of beskar, Bexan. To have that and give it up for this job…”

Cassian shrugged and focused on his task. He was only halfway through, and he needed to make it look good. “This is a good job. It was the price I had to pay.”

“Did you know her long?”

“Hm-mm.”

Resk settled on the desk, and suddenly, Cassian liked him a lot less. “My girl and I, we knew we was in love the moment we set eyes on each other. We was at a shockball game, and we saw each other and… She talked to me first, you know. I’m, I’m not good around girls, you see, really terrible, actually – ”

“That's okay.”

“Not like you, probably. You must not have any problems there, what with your confidence, all that.”

Cassian couldn't help his self-deprecating laugh. “You'd be surprised.”

Resk shook his head like he didn't believe him. “You're something, Bexan. Well anyway, Tini, she just walked right up, made fun-a my team, she did – didn’t help nothing they was losing by a kilometer – had her fem friends with her, three of ’em, and there I am with my brother, Force rest his soul, and I got nothin’ to say! So I says, ‘Yeah? Rematch, then, next series,’ and of course, our teams don’t ever go to the next series together ever, so she comms me and says we’ll watch an old match from fifty years ago, see who wins. Well my team, they win, no contest, shock the brains outta everyone on hers. And that was that.”

Cassian smiled, the holoscreen going fuzzy in his vision. This would never be his love story. “And that was that.”

“Now we got a home and a baby girl, I’m workin’ my way through school… We’re doin’ pretty all right.”

“I’d say you are. Good for you, Resk.”

“But I wouldn’t give her up for _nothin’_. How’d you do that?”

“I’m not in love with Mia,” Cassian replied, mentally forcing his hands to stay relaxed on the controls. His mind flipped through the brief on his alias as it burrowed further underneath it.

“Oh,” Resk said, and he sounded a little disappointed. “Coulda fooled me.”

Cassian looked up and shot him a sharp look. “Why don’t you go back to your homework, kid?”

Resk held his hands up and straightened, eyebrows raised. “Don’t gotta get all offended.”

“Have you conjugated the Festian verbs I gave you yesterday morning?”

“No.”

“Now’s a good time to start.”

\---

Jyn was engrossed in chatting with one of the Alliance agents that night around dinnertime, so Cassian didn’t bother her. He’d spent the day doing what he usually did, and stealing glances at her when he could and searing them indelibly into his memory.

Force, she was _beautiful_.

With a last glance at her, he made himself a plate and took it to a small table in the back, where the help ate. He sat with his back to the wall as he always did, watching, watching always. Jyn had gotten even better at this role, and she moved effortlessly through the crowd, an easy laugh, an easy smile, light in her eyes, always. She had changed into an outfit that, simply put, had no lower half to speak of. It simply cut off at the tops of her thighs, like a water suit. Before, she would have a been a little awkward, self-conscious, but now, she wore it like she owned the room – even though the curve of her backside peeked out, and the patrons of the club, male and female alike, clearly adored the view. She talked with patrons and her friend Nabelle – yes, she’d actually made a real friend here – and she looked almost genuinely happy.

Cassian was almost genuinely happy for her.

She was getting good at this Intelligence stuff. They might make an agent out of her yet.

Cassian knew he wasn’t wholly responsible for her success at this role, yet at the same time, he felt a bit of pride at knowing he’d helped her transform into it. He was an old hand at this stuff, had done his share of training new recruits and breaking them in. He’d trained Jyn to the best of his abilities for this mission, and he’d had every confidence in her. She was performing better than he could possibly have expected.

Quartz passed by at that moment, and Cassian wiped his mouth. “Quartz, a word with you.” The brothel owner turned. “You need to give your people an insurance option.”

Quartz gave him the expected dubious look. “I’m a business owner, not a humanitarian.”

“You take good care of your girls, and you pay decent. But pay doesn’t cover everything. People have families. I looked into it. CoruscPlan offers small business owners such as yourself a high-premium option with emergency coverage and dependent care.”

The owner snorted and crossed his arms. “Security guard, insurance salesman…what else do you do?”

Cassian gave him a thin smile. “You’d be surprised.” He pulled the datachip out of his pocket and tossed it to Quartz, who fumbled but caught it. “The information is there. Think about it.”

Quartz shook his head and rolled his eyes, then walked away muttering about how he “hired an assassin, not a damn humanitarian.” Cassian allowed himself a small smile and went back to his food.

\---

That night, Cassian lay in bed with his hands behind his head, staring up at the ceiling and wishing he had a reason to meet with Jyn. He could tell her the footage was indeed effective, but that was a terrible reason to risk a meeting. He ran through a handful of scenarios, but nothing actually worked.

He had literally no reason to go see her, other than desperate desire.

Cassian ran through a counting exercise to calm his racing heart, blew out a breath, and felt himself relax a little with the effort. His eyes closed, and he willed himself to go to sleep.

But… _Jyn._

Her tender lips. Her soft skin. Her breasts in his mouth. His fingers inside her. His mouth…his lips…his tongue…all over her…tasting her sweetness and wetness, her arousal just for him and him alone…

_I want you._

She’d begged him. She’d wanted him that badly that she was willing to have him take her on a bed in someone else’s apartment while they were undercover, surrounded by stormtroopers and gangs in the middle of a lightfight.

_Does she…? She can’t._

It was a stupid thought. Of course Jyn didn’t love him. They were just in the throes of a heady, lust-consumed tryst. They were burning hot and bright; they always had. No, Jyn Erso didn’t love him, just as no woman had ever loved him. He wanted it, he wanted her to; of course he did. But he was no fool. He knew he was completely unlovable and not worth the emotion or the expenditure it took. All he would leave a woman was coldness and disappointment.

But Jyn…

He rolled over in the bed, burying his face into the pillow and knowing he could never forget.

Jyn could never disappoint him. Jyn represented the unattainable, perfection, and his feelings for her had been tangled since day one. He was still sorting them out.

One thing he knew for sure, though, that dangerous as this liaison with her right now was, he didn’t want to stop. He wanted more, more, more, to touch every part of her as much as he could, even though he knew it was a risk in more ways than one. He craved her touch and her body against his. What would it feel like to know every single centimeter of her skin? To have her know every centimeter of his? To be in her, to make love to her? To – he could hardly bear the thought – come in her, with her? Would she let him? Force, he wanted to. What he wouldn’t give to. The closest he’d ever come to true intimacy had been the Rebel he’d told Jyn about, Katala. Even then, they’d simply been friendly colleagues more than anything else. (Friendly colleagues who occasionally slept together.) Only once had they not used a condom, the last time they’d had sex. It was a spur-of-the-moment thing, quick, needy, before he shipped out on a long mission that had blown in out of nowhere. He hadn’t had one for the first time in his life, and they’d only had five minutes. But he knew her, knew she, like all the other Rebel women, got contraceptive shots, knew he could “trust” her as much as he trusted anyone, and he gave in to the urge to be touched one last time. She didn’t ask for promises from him, and he didn’t give her any.

When he came back three weeks later, she was gone. So was her son.

It took everything in Cassian to blank his mind and to fall asleep, or else he would have spent the entirety of his night restless, tossing and turning, the answer to everything too close and yet too far away all at once.

He only woke once, sitting bolt upright, bathed in sweat and breathing hard, after dreaming of making love to Jyn. And he pounded both fists back against the headboard in agony.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jyn thinks about her time with Cassian in the apartment, and Evert offers her a deal she literally cannot refuse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorryyyyyy, been gone awhile. Finally raising the stakes here, though, so hope this makes up for my absence!

Jyn

 

Jyn woke the next morning from an intense dream that left her drained, disappointed, and rolling over to bury her face in the pillow when she realized it wasn’t real. Her center throbbed, even though she’d orgasmed twice in the dream. In it, she and Cassian had finally made love, and it was _so real…_

_I’m never gentle._

His words from their first night at the club, when they’d been forced to pretend to make love, ran through her mind. He had been nothing but gentle with her in reality, excepting how rough he got when he was getting her close to release. Then he got fiery, passionate, consumed, and it made Jyn come so fast her head spun. She wanted him here with her now, touching her, kissing her, _inside her…_

She didn’t want gentle. She didn’t want sweet or kind. Cassian was these things, in his way. The galaxy had shaped him into what he was today through horrific experiences, and his innocence had been lost long ago. She caught the ghost of it occasionally in an impish smile here or there, but mostly, she saw his grim exterior and brooding countenance.

But yes, Cassian Andor could be gentle. He would be, if she but asked.

But when they slept together – because it wasn’t a matter of _if_ now, but _when_ – she didn’t want that. She didn’t want the side of him that clearly adored her for whatever reason. She wanted rough hands, clenched muscles, and hardness. The ache inside her was so big, so deep, that she felt that nothing could possibly take it away save for him taking her hard.

There was no other way to put it: she wanted him to fuck her, and she wanted to fuck him right back. Hard and fast and bruising and rough and sweaty until they were both spent and could barely breathe or think, until muscles hurt. The thought made her cover her burning face with her hands, because it was never something that had crossed her mind before. Before, she’d had a need, an urge, and she’d acted on it. She’d been aroused, and she’d taken care of it. But now, _now_ , she felt more, and she _needed_ more.

What had happened in the apartment…that had been unique. That had been… _more_. _Too much._

But she needed _more_. She needed _too much_.

She needed _Cassian_.

Yet, at the same time, the idea of their relationship changing to whatever it was supposed to be now worried her. They barely knew each other. It had only been a few months, and they’d started off detesting each other. How quickly that had changed, in mere weeks so that when he was looking at her in that hangar, when she clasped his arm in that shuttle, _when they were in that turbolift…_

Jyn flung the covers back and planted her feet on the ground. She couldn’t think about this anymore.

Quartz needed Cassian for a reason Jyn couldn’t possibly know, so she was on her own. She ate breakfast with Nabelle, who was only working a half-day, so she sat down to lunch by herself.

It didn’t last long, though. A sullen Jezz soon joined her.

Jyn didn’t say anything, just kept eating her soup and watching the news.

“He went back to his wife,” Jezz finally said after a few silent minutes.

“Mm?” Jyn replied disinterestedly.

“I was in love with him. He went back to her.”

“Oh.” Jyn had heard about this man Jezz had fallen for (in addition to, it appeared, Cassian).

“I don’t think Bexan wants me, either.”

“Mm.”

The other woman didn’t say anything else, and Jyn looked up when she felt Jezz watching her. She shrugged.

“We don’t get into this business to find love, right?” Jyn said.

“Maybe most of us don’t,” Jezz said. “But the Lady found love, and other _ilasha_ do, too.”

Jyn did not like the look on the girl’s face. “I suppose.”

“He cares about you so much,” Jezz said quietly. “I can tell. I’ve never had a man look at me like that.”

Anxiety and fear burst through Jyn in one hot heartbeat. _They’d been found out._

_Say little. Listen. Give away nothing of yourself. Ever._

Jyn said nothing.

“He would do anything for you, and he barely even _knows_ you.”

There was a hint of jealousy in the woman’s voice.

Jyn listened.

“Whatever.” Jezz flicked her spoon and shook her head, going back to her soup. “I just have to work harder, and then I can get a patron, too.”

Jyn frowned before she could stop herself. _Patron?_

“You’re lucky,” Jezz continued. “You could do a lot worse than Evert.”

A breath Jyn hadn’t even realized she’d been holding came whooshing out, and Jezz threw a sharp glance at her. Jyn nodded, drank half a glass of water, and excused herself.

\---

Two days later, Evert was back. This time, he asked that Jyn sit at a private table in a shadowy corner, lit only by candlelight.

“I missed you,” he said, his kind face broken by a smile.

“I missed you as well,” Jyn replied, fingers toying with the stem of her wineglass. “How have you been?”

“Good, good. Business is going well. Have you thought about my offer? We can only dance around it so long.”

Jyn’s throat tightened up, and she requested some water and a plate of hors d’oeuvres from a passing waitress. Evert had been dropping hints here and there almost since she’d met him, but she’d hoped they’d never directly discuss it. “I have,” she said. “It sounds a little too good to be true.”

“You could do a lot of good there,” Evert said. “You’d certainly get out of _this_ line of work.”

There was no mistaking the note of derision in his voice, though it wasn’t aimed at her specifically, but at what she did.

“Thank you,” Jyn said, “but I like what I do. It has real meaning to me.”

The waitress set down her drink, a refill for Evert, and the hors d’oeuvres.

Evert reached for the plate of food. “Still,” he said, “I could take you someplace safe. Certainly out of the Underworld. Even off Coruscant, if you wanted. There’s a good market out there for a smart girl like you. I know you have friends here. You’d be able to send your earnings home. Maybe some of them would even come with you.” He put the food in his mouth and chewed, and Jyn watched him intently until he spoke again. “They don’t value your life here, Mia,” he said gently, urging her. “Come with me. I’ll give you anything you ask for, and more. You can see the galaxy, make a difference. Then, when you’ve had your fill, you can go home, if you wish.”

Jyn’s heart pounded. His offer was, indeed, almost too good to be true.

“And your company would be okay with having me?” she asked cautiously. Evert waved a hand.

“That sort of business can wait until later. For now…” He leaned into her and curled a lock of hair behind her ear before he kissed her earlobe. Jyn’s eyes flicked out to the floor, to where Cassian was standing near the wall. She could tell from his posture that he was having a bad pain day with his leg and hip and was trying to hide it.

His eyes stared back at her.

“I have the money,” Evert whispered. “The sum will do just fine.”

Jyn’s chest constricted. This day had come way too soon. “But…today?” she said.

“Today,” he confirmed.

Jyn’s eyes were locked on Cassian, begging him to understand. He could read lips, but Evert’s had been blocked by his hand stroking Jyn’s cheek, so Cassian wouldn’t have been able to see.

Not that it would have mattered anyway. It was too dark. She had no choice but to go through with this for the Alliance, to get everything she could from Evert.

Even if it meant destroying Cassian’s heart.

“Make your request with the Lady,” Jyn said, “and she will direct you to my room.”

Then she got up from the table, and she left for her bedroom.

Tonight would be the real test of just how far Jyn Erso would go for the Rebel Alliance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *winces and ducks rotten fruit* OKAY DON'T YELL AT ME. Maybe I was a bit too optimistic in my beginning notes...
> 
> Expect a big long chunk of Cassian thinking in the next chapter. ~~Bec apparently Cassian thinking is my kink.~~


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cassian feels helpless for the first time in a long time, and he knows that the mission can no longer continue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a warning here that this is extremely angst-heavy, not that you guys would have expected otherwise.

Cassian

 

Cassian watched from the shadows. That was all he’d been doing, it felt like, this whole mission: watching from the shadows.

Except for the moments when Jyn joined him in those shadows, and his eyes closed, and he no longer had to watch her, but could touch her and feel her and smell her and taste her.

He watched as Jyn excused herself from the table.

He watched as she disappeared toward the bedrooms.

He watched as Evert requested The Full Experience with Jyn.

He watched the obscene amount of money change hands.

He watched the shadows swallow Evert up as he traced Jyn’s steps back.

He watched, he watched, he watched.

He watched, helpless.

\---

There was literally nothing Cassian could do to stop what was about to happen. Neither could Jyn. All he could do was _watch_ it happen, and try to protect her as best he could. Resk wasn’t on duty in the security booth, which made is easier for Cassian to ask the guard to be left alone. Cassian locked the door behind him, quickly jabbed in the override codes for Jyn’s camera, and stared at the feed, transfixed.

He couldn’t have looked away if he’d tried.

There was no sound, of course, and the recording was too grainy to read lips, but he could imagine what was happening.

Evert leaned down toward her, down toward those lips Cassian had kissed just days ago.

 _“Kissing’s extra,”_ Jyn might be saying as she stopped Evert with her fingers on his lips. Evert smiled and pulled back, and then his hands roved up her body, yanking her to him. He pressed kisses against her neck instead, and she gripped his shoulders with tight fingers.

Her eyes flicked up to the security camera in the corner.

Evert wasted no time, backing her swiftly toward the bed.

Jyn’s arm snaked to her drawer, and she pulled out a condom and thrust it out at him. Cassian strained his memory, going over and over the faces of their undercover agents on-planet again, desperately trying to match Evert with one of them but coming up empty.

He wasn’t one of their agents.

He was a simple customer.

And he was about to have sex with Jyn Erso.

Cassian grit his teeth and steeled himself. Much as he wanted to look away, he couldn’t, both for his own self-abuse as well as the fact that he was Jyn’s commanding officer, and he had to look out for her and would need to corroborate the story with her later.

_“And if you’re wrong?”_

Jyn’s words to Lieutenant Medrian when they’d first gotten the assignment echoed in his mind.

_“Lie back and think of the Rebellion?”_

Cassian had grabbed the fool by his jacket and hauled him up. _“You’d better pray you’re not wrong,”_ he’d hissed. _“Because if you are, there is not a place in this galaxy you can hide that I won’t find you.”_

Cassian watched helplessly as on the screen, Evert turned Jyn over and positioned her on her hands and knees before him. (Of course. Of course he did. Of course he’d want it that way. Cassian’s hand clenched so hard around a datacard on the desk that he snapped it in half.)

Evert didn’t even bother to take Jyn’s clothes off or engage in any foreplay, the selfish bastard. Cassian could feel his mask crumbling as he watched Evert kneel behind Jyn and slide his hand up to her breast. Memories of their time together in the shopkeeper’s apartment replayed in Cassian’s mind. Touching her, being intimate with her, being so, _so_ close to her and hearing her say, _“I want you.”_ Rebuffing her like the fool he was, because it was the right thing to do and _damn him_ for doing it. Damn it _all_.

Where was the line anymore, between right and wrong? He and Jyn had voluntarily entered into a sexual relationship, and whether that was right or wrong because he was technically her superior and they were undercover was a moot point – a stupid point – because it was _consensual_ and now she was literally being forced to have sex for the Rebellion. Medrian had promised, _promised_ , it would never come to this.

 _You’re next, Medrian,_ Cassian thought. _I’m coming for you. I don’t care that we’re on the same side._

Cassian would absolutely flay him alive and drop the ribbons of his gutted corpse down a hole so deep, he would never be found.

On the holoscreen, Evert moved closer to Jyn and –

She didn’t even flinch.

Cassian did. And something in his stomach twisted and began to physically hurt.

There was nothing he could do. To burst in and save Jyn from this fate would break their covers. There had been no time to come up with a convincing distraction to get Evert away from the brothel so that Cassian could arrange for him and Jyn to be extracted. All they could do was go through with it.

Cassian would spend the rest of his life apologizing to Jyn. If she even still wanted to talk to him.

Oh, gods.

Would she run again? Leave? Even though she had a home with the Rebellion?

_Welcome home._

It seemed sick now to think of his words to her in that hangar on Yavin 4 before the attack on Scarif. _Yes, welcome to your new home, Jyn. We’re going to make you use your body against your will for us._

_We’ve all done terrible things on behalf of the Rebellion._

_Everything I did, I did for the Rebellion._

Cassian dug his nails into his temples as he watched. Evert was slow with Jyn, gentle, rocking into her with the movements of a caring lover. His mouth stayed by her ear the entire time, lips moving nonstop. Jyn’s head turned toward him, eyes lowered, and her face was peaceful.

 _Is she okay?_ Cassian wondered. _Will she be okay?_

Evert started moving faster just when Cassian thought the man would never finish, and Cassian forced himself to watch until he did. The two were still for a bit, and Cassian switched his brain over into analysis again and studied the image, brows drawn tightly together. The angle was difficult given their lovemaking position, but from what Cassian could see, Evert’s pants were still on, and Jyn had never removed her dress.

It was entirely possible there had only been rubbing and not actual sex. Cassian would have to – _have to_ , for the mission – ask Jyn about it later.

Evert moved to kiss her again, and again, she refused him. They readjusted, and Jyn sat in her room while Evert left. She mechanically disposed of the condom in the chute over the nightstand.

Then her eyes found the camera in the corner, and she just stared into it, unmoving.

\---

Cassian reset the main screen and Jyn’s recording loop and silently left the security booth, comming the goon on the way out to let him know he’d concluded his business. Jyn had exited her own room by the time Cassian was done.

His anger burned hot and quick, and he wanted nothing more than to strangle that pest Evert – and Medrian and Draven, too, while he was at it.

When he was far enough away from the security room and by himself, secluded outside on the dark, fenced-in patio, he closed his eyes and tipped his head back.

Then he curled his hands into fists and slammed them, hard, against the wall.

What had he gotten Jyn into? He didn’t have a problem with the Rebellion disregarding his boundaries or whatever he used to have way back when, and he did what he had to do for information. But Jyn, she was innocent in all this. Was she okay? This was all his fault. He had to begin the protocol to get a message to Draven and ask to be pulled out before the op was up. It had gone too far.

The scene in Jyn’s room started up in his mind. He couldn’t stop thinking about it. Jyn with her hair elegantly styled on top of her head, naked neck exposed. Jyn, rocking together with that man, _that man, that despicable, horrible man,_ on that bed.

Jyn in a position that was Cassian’s secret, most private fantasy, one that he rarely allowed himself to access, buried so deep it only came to him in flashes.

He couldn’t lie to himself anymore, he realized as he put his head in his hands and sighed out a silent breath. He imagined her only occasionally, when his mind wasn’t busy, when he was too tired to put up his barriers, and usually, he imagined being traditional with her, moving over her, kissing her again and again. She was soft and warm and fit around him like none other. He took care of her.

But sometimes, when he ached for her, when her touch left a searing memory and her scent and presence hung in the air long after she’d gone, he allowed his mind to turn to the rougher one, the faster one, where she was just as consumed with fire for him as he was for her, and they couldn’t stop themselves until they were both breathless.

It felt, now, like that was something that would never come to pass, much as his heart had been yearning for it. Now he’d placed Jyn in this horrible position, and she would never forgive him.

_She would never forgive him._

Cassian slid down the wall until he sat on the ground, arms folded onto his knees. He closed his eyes, and his forehead fell onto his arms. Fatigue suddenly took hold of him, and Coruscant suddenly felt too big, too strong, too _much_.

_I can’t do this anymore._

Every fight he’d ever had welled up inside him in a massive tide of pain, rising from the depths and overwhelming him.

_“You must be made of beskar, Bexan.”_

_I’m not. I can break, too._

Soft footsteps approached, and Cassian looked up. Jezz didn’t see him as she walked past, and he watched her go to the end of the patio, look out for a few moments, and turn and walk back to the center of it. A flask appeared in her hand, and she took a swig. As she looked down to put it away, light illuminated her face and smudged eye makeup.

She’d been crying.

Jezz sniffled and looked up, just noticing Cassian, who had already shifted his features and body language into neutrality and hardness again.

“Bad night for you, too?” she asked. He shrugged. Jezz came over to him and sat down, passing him the flask. He took a small sip. The liquor burned very little and mostly went down smooth. Expensive.

Cassian was used to waiting in silence, but he wasn’t inhuman. The woman – really, more of a girl – genuinely was distressed. And anyway, if there were some sort of security issue, he needed to know about it.

“What happened?” he asked. Jezz took another drink and passed the flask back to him.

“I am so alone,” she murmured, staring out at nothing. “I fell in love with a customer, and he went back to his wife. It was foolish to think he wouldn’t, of course, but I thought…” Jezz looked down and fiddled with the lid of the flask. “Well, it doesn’t matter what I thought, because it was stupid anyway.”

Cassian waited, giving her time and space. He was nothing if not a good and patient listener.

_At least that’s something I can do right._

Jezz accepted the flask back and drank. “I thought he would take me away from here. My parents didn’t want to be parents, and I ran away as soon as I could. This was all I could do for money. I didn’t _want_ to do it, but you do what you have to. It’s been a year and a half now that I’ve been here. The customers treat me good, and Quartz has been good, but I don’t want to do this forever. I want to keep a home, have children, kiss my husband when he comes home at the end of the day…not this.”

Cassian nodded. He didn’t really understand that – he couldn’t, and he never would – but he did understand the loss of an ideal future, and a dream.

He’d had dreams of peace, once. Long ago.

Actually, he’d even had dreams of the future somewhat recently: Jyn in his room, Jyn in his bed, Jyn at the end of the day and in the morning. No matter where he was, Jyn was there. He couldn’t imagine a life without her. Before her, he couldn’t imagine sharing his life with anyone other than Kaytoo and the Rebellion. After he met her, detested her, then began to change toward her, after he fell…after he fell…

His mind struggled with the words. With the realization.

_After he fell in love with her…_

The realization was so overwhelming that Cassian’s throat closed up and any remaining air in his lungs came out in one painful breath. His head fell back against the wall again, and he reminded himself that he needed to breathe.

_I’m in love with her._

His vision began to darken at the edges. He wasn’t breathing. He needed to breathe.

He took a slow breath in through his nose, filling his lungs.

_I’m in love with Jyn Erso._

Cassian had never been in love before, so he didn’t know how long he’d felt that way toward Jyn. Time reversed itself in his mind, tracking back through the days he’d known her, and he found he couldn’t really tell _when_ it happened. It was like his feelings had just morphed gradually over time, blending until they were no longer one thing, but another. He remembered moments like Eadu, where he couldn’t shoot her father because he saw her eyes in his face. He remembered the panic and the fear for her life when Kay had told him the X-wing squadron was approaching. Racing across the sodden ground because that was all that mattered – getting to her before it was too late.

But before that? Before Eadu? Racing through the crumbling catacombs on Jedha to find her, when she was extraneous to the mission (or so he thought). Already he had operated outside of mission parameters, _for her_.

Then the hangar on Yavin…

Then the shuttle over the Scarif shield gate…

And the Citadel Tower and the turbolift and the beach…

“And you?” Jezz asked, looking at Cassian with big blue eyes, shiny in the dim artificial light. “You want this?”

Cassian shook his head, noncommittal, and looked away.

“Mia has a new customer,” Jezz added.

“I’m aware,” Cassian replied.

“Someone very, very rich.”

“Yes, I know.”

“He wants to be her patron.”

Cassian’s head jerked back to Jezz. A patron? That meant Evert could… “He wants to take her away?”

“Not yet,” Jezz answered. “But soon.”

As soon as he could without raising suspicion, Cassian excused himself and walked back to his room. Once there, he dug out the tiny two-way comlink hidden in his boot and activated it. He clicked it three times. Paused. Clicked it three times again.

He immediately got three clicks back in return.

In the morning, Aurek would come to the brothel, and he and Cassian would have a coded conversation. Aurek would then start the process of getting a message back to Draven, and Jyn and Cassian would be extracted from The Heartmoon within days.

He had no choice but to scrub the mission and request immediate extraction.

Cassian switched off the comlink, carefully hid it in his boot again, and threw himself back onto his bed, collecting himself before he went to check on Jyn. The images from the holorecording would not stop running through his mind.

He squeezed his eyes shut tight, mentally calculating how many days it would be until they were back on base.

It was almost over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *peeks out from behind hiding place*
> 
> P to the S: **THANK YOU** for all the AMAZING comments on the last chapter. I would not have worked so hard to update this soon if not for your words! I knew it would be a hard chapter, but wow. I mean...WOW. You guys are amazing.  <3 <3 <3 REBELCAPTAIN FOR LIFE!!! *fist pump*
> 
> **CONSOLATION SPOILER** All right, folks, next chapter is THE chapter. Finally. My exact notes in the doc when I first started writing it were, "They gon fuck like mad." Seriously, they are gonna get it on pretty hot and heavy, so...yeah. Expect that. Be ready for that. It's not done yet, though, so I'll need some time on it. I'll say expect it next week, but hopefully it'll be sooner. Much love. <3


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cassian and Jyn talk about what happened with Evert. But not before Cassian confronts Evert himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FINALLY, this is THE BIG ONE. I hope it doesn’t disappoint. Warning for some really effing heavy angst though. But then afterward, much hot, passionate, hard-n-rough sexytimes.
> 
> **NOTE 9/3/18**  
> This did not, unfortunately, turn out like I had envisioned for so many months, and I plan on rewriting it here in the near future. I will announce on my blog when I update it. My apologies.
> 
> **NOTE 9/6/18**  
> The smut scene has been rewritten, and I'm so much happier with it!! :D It's **MUCH** more in line with what I wanted out of this scene and had envisioned. Even got a new tag, too -- "Mirror Sex." ;)

Cassian

 

Cassian left his room to get something to eat and drink, which he took outside to the patio. A breeze drifted over his face, and he closed his eyes and listened to the sounds of the night, wishing this were all just some horrid dream.

It _had_ been a dream, for those few short days. A good dream. Jyn’s hands on him, her lips, her body, everything.

Now that dream had been replaced by a nightmare. One of another man’s hands on her. Another man _in her_.

Cassian’s eyes snapped open, and rage bubbled through his veins again.

He finished his snack and went back inside. Jyn was nowhere to be found in any of the main areas. He was about to check her room when he saw none other than Evert himself coming up to him. The man opened his mouth to speak, but got no further than “I wanted to talk to – ” before Cassian had him pinned against a wall, a plan already unspooling in his mind.

“You hurt one of the girls,” he growled. “I saw it on the tape.”

Evert’s face slackened. “What? No! Never. I was just with _Ilasha_ Mia now. You can ask her.”

 _“Oh,”_ Cassian said in a low, deadly voice, _“I will.”_

Evert took a deep breath in through his nose, let it out. He was remarkably calm for a man being held against his will and threatened in a brothel by someone as intimidating as Cassian Andor.

“Don’t do this,” Evert said evenly, piercing eyes on Cassian’s. “I’m sure we can work something out.”

“I don’t want your money,” Cassian spat.

A flick of metal down and to the side, and a hum. Evert had just armed a vibroblade.

“I said… _don’t do this._ ”

Cassian snorted. “You think I’m not armed? You think I can’t kill you?” He pressed Evert harder against the wall and whispered, “I can think of at least six different ways to kill you off the top of my head.”

Before Evert could reply, Cassian’s ears picked up the sound of running footsteps, and Quartz and Resk came up to them.

“What’s going on here?!” Quartz bellowed. Cassian opened his mouth, ready with his lie, but Evert got to it first.

“Just a bit of jealousy here,” he said smoothly. “Nothing we couldn’t sort out.”

“Jealousy…?” Quartz repeated in confusion, frowning. Then his face evened out again and he smiled, once again his jovial self. “Bexan, my man, you can have any lady here!”

Evert turned a smirk to Cassian. “But not the _ilasha_.”

Cassian’s blood burned so hot, he saw red for a moment. His arm jerked, but he restrained himself from punching the man across the face.

Quartz chuckled. “I hope you enjoyed your time, Evert. Please, have a drink and another meal, on us.”

He passed Evert off to Resk, who took him away to the dining room.

“What was that all about?!” Quartz hissed. “Resk saw you on the cameras and thought something serious was happening!”

“Nothing serious,” Cassian said, turning around and interlacing his fingers on top of his head, breathing in and out through his nose. He needed to walk this off. He needed to _go_.

“She doesn’t _belong_ to you,” Quartz said. “If you wanted to fuck her till eternity, you shouldn’ta given her up to us as your gift. You’re not worthy of her anyway, right? You know that, my man.”

Cassian finished his pacing and looked at Quartz, stunned silent. The owner slid his arm around his shoulders.

“I know it’s hard when the beautiful ones become too far out of our reach,” Quartz sympathized. “But we have to be realistic. Why would she choose you?”

The brothel owner gave him a couple pats on the shoulder, then steered him toward the dining area and ordered him a stiff drink.

The last time he’d had a night this bad, Cassian reflected, had been when he’d woken up after Scarif, and he’d thought Jyn was dead.

* * *

Shortly before midnight, Cassian knocked on Jyn’s bedroom door. She didn’t look surprised to see him.

“Come in,” she said, and turned back into the room.

“Figured you needed help getting that contraption off,” he said, code for wanting to talk in the ’fresher. She headed that way, and he followed.

As soon as they were inside, he shut the door and rounded on her. “What’s the real identity of that man?” he demanded in a low voice. “I’ll kill him.”

Jyn raised her hand. “I know. It’s awful. But I did what I had – ”

“Did he hurt you?”

“No. It’s not – ”

“That _moron_ is going to pay,” he retorted. Jyn didn’t react, although whether that was because she didn’t know who he was talking about (Medrian), or for some other reason, he didn’t know. Cassian slowly shook his head, his eyes never leaving her beautiful, beautiful face. “I will send him back home in _pieces_ ,” he hissed through clenched teeth.

“I’m sorry,” she said quietly, and why was _she_ apologizing? Her green eyes were soft and sincere. Cassian moved closer to her and took her hands.

“You have nothing to apologize for,” he said in the same voice. “ _I’m_ the one who’s sorry. I’ll make this right, I promise – ”

“You can’t.”

Her words slapped him in the face, stunned him into silence. Her hands were slack in his. The look in her eyes had suddenly changed, to something he didn’t recognize, and wasn’t sure he wanted to know.

“I’m tired,” Jyn added, and her hands slipped from his like water. She brushed past him as she stepped toward the door. “I have nothing new to report.”

“Don’t you?” Cassian said from behind her. “Evert wants to buy you. He wants to take you away.”

“I can handle him.”

Cassian’s hand shot out and grabbed her wrist, tight. “If he takes you, you’re not coming back.”

“It doesn’t matter.”

Again, her words struck him speechless. He very rarely found himself in a position where he didn’t know what to say, but right then, he couldn’t find a single word.

When words finally found him, all he could breathe was, _“Forgive me,”_ as his hand flexed and released her wrist. He’d known this would happen, that Jyn would react this way. It was the only thing that _could_ happen. Even if it were somebody else who hadn’t been treated the way the galaxy had treated Jyn Erso, they would have done the exact same thing she was doing.

They would run, too.

“You don’t want to come back,” Cassian said. Jyn turned back to him, opened her mouth to say something, but closed it right back again.

“Cassian…” she whispered, her voice breaking.

“I’m trying to get us out,” he whispered back. His own voice was thin. “But you want to stay. Here. With… _him_.”

“It is a way out,” she said. “I’ll be back. I promise.”

_“How?”_

Again, Jyn’s mouth worked, but nothing came out. Cassian couldn’t believe what he was hearing, and the distance he felt shoving its way between them, as if a massive fist were planted on each of their chests pushing them further and further apart with every moment.

“Is that what this is?” Cassian asked. “You need a way _out_? I know it’s not…this isn’t the life you would have wanted…that anyone would’ve…”

Jyn shook her head, her lips pressed tightly together. She seemed as speechless as he.

“That’s what you want?” Cassian asked. “To leave? To go away? To leave all of this behind?”

“What is _this_?” Jyn asked. “Uncertainty and war and… You’re right. I don’t want any of it.”

Cassian couldn’t help it; he had to touch her. He put his hands on her shoulders and pulled her close, bending to press his forehead to hers.

“Tell me what happened,” he begged. “I’ll fix it. Let me fix it. Let me fix this.” The desperation in his voice was pure weakness, but he was beyond caring. Jyn’s muscles were tense under his hands, every signal she gave off screaming at him that she was pulling away.

“Don’t,” she begged back, her own voice on the cusp of breaking again. Her hands came up as his slid up her neck, and her fingers curled around his. She started to peel them away. “Stop.”

“Bodhi,” Cassian reminded her, “Chirrut, Baze. Kaytoo even. All of us. Just…nothing, to you.” He took a deep, shuddering breath. _“Me.”_

“Trust me. I said I’ll be back,” Jyn repeated. “I just can’t…”

“Don’t do this,” he whispered. “Whatever you’re doing, _don’t do it_.”

For a moment, it was dead silent. He couldn’t even hear her breathe.

“Maybe you should go?” she said, but there was a question. There was hope for Cassian, then, if she sounded less sure. Her hands were still over his, but now no longer trying to pull his away.

“If you want me to go, I’ll go. If you want to stay with Evert, I’ll let you do that, too.” Cassian took a deep breath, and he reached out blindly behind him and hit the door opener. The door swished open, but even that quiet sound was too loud. “Is that what you truly want?”

Jyn took her own deep breath, and Cassian started to release her. To step back. He didn’t know what she wanted.

Suddenly she reached out to his shirt, grabbed two fistfuls of it, hauled him back to her, and slammed him against the wall despite the height and weight he had on her. With her hip, she hit the closer to the door again.

“Cassian Andor,” she hissed, “for being the Rebellion’s best spy, you are an utter moron. _‘The sum will do just fine.’_ He’s Alliance, you idiot.”

The _real_ truth hit Cassian, and it was his turn to look dumbstruck. He stared at her for perhaps three full seconds, his mouth open now, before he spoke.

“He was operating outside the parameters,” Cassian breathed, and Jyn nodded.

“That’s why we didn’t know about him. He went rogue his own way.”

“Fuck…”

“I couldn’t do it,” Jyn said, shaking her head. “I tried, Cassian, I tried so hard to be like you, to be a spy and take his deal and go with him. There’s work on another planet, great work to take the Empire down, and he has so, so many names. He gave me all of them when he was in here – he never touched me, not like that, nothing like that – and I just wanted to help and do what I thought you would want, but I couldn’t, I couldn’t – ”

She was crying now and Cassian ducked down and kissed her hard. She pulled on his shirt to keep him even closer to her, and then her arms wound around his neck. He pushed away from the wall to back her up into the one behind her, lifting her up as he did so. Her legs wrapped tight around his waist and pressed him to her, and he never wanted to let her go. Jyn kissed him again and again, big, greedy kisses, and she dropped her hands to the bottom of his stupid bulky shirt and tugged insistently at it. He got the hint and quickly whisked it and the undershirt off over his head. Her fingers tangled in locks of his hair as he pressed himself as close to her as he could, not able to be close enough.

He’d thought he was going to lose her. Again. After Scarif, after that unbearable feeling and those moments when he’d thought Jyn was gone, Cassian had thought he could never survive going through it again. He’d gone completely numb when she said she was going with Evert, withdrawing into his professional mindset and knowing that he would break down eventually over it, but not today.

Knowing that when he broke down over it, he likely would not survive it.

But Jyn was here, now, warm and real and… _she wasn’t leaving_.

Cassian shoved up her light sleep shirt and fixed his mouth to her breast, breathing in and inhaling all of her. As he sucked on her nipple, his body moved against hers, sliding slowly up and down between her legs, growing harder and harder for her with each pass. As each day had gone by here at The Heartmoon Club, he’d found he’d craved her touch more and more, become more and more desperate to be intimate with her, to feel her, _truly_ feel her, to be inside her and have her take him in and love him back as much as he loved her. He wanted to make love to her, and every time they had to stop was agony to him in so many ways.

But she was here now.

He tore the top off over her head.

Jyn cupped his face and brought her lips down to his, her hair spilling over his cheeks as she pressed her lips firm to his. Cassian’s hands yanked on the waistband of her shorts and underwear, and she lowered her legs to the ground so that he could pull them off. Jyn’s hands left his face and worked quickly at his belt and fly, shoving his pants and underwear down as well. He groaned into her mouth when her hand wrapped around him and pulled, even though she was gentle, and she released his lips to sigh a breath across them.

“We need to get a condom,” he whispered.

“I trust you,” she whispered back, and something intense and warm slammed into his chest and he was so overcome he couldn’t function for a moment, and he picked her up again by the thighs and pushed her back against the wall again. For a moment he fumbled, his hand shaking with too much, too much coursing through him, before his tip found her slick opening and he plunged her down hard onto him, all the way down to his base so that her body rested against his.

And he was in that moment, finally: he was finally inside her. They were finally having sex, sleeping together, making love. The feeling and the knowledge completely flooded all of his senses, and it was a reality that, now, seemed too complex and distant to comprehend. It wasn't what he had wanted to give her – taking her in a 'fresher of all places – but it was what it was. This was the way it was going to be between them, and he wasn’t surprised, not really. The very air between them had always been charged, every touch had always burned him, every look. Being in the brothel with Jyn for so long, finally getting to touch her, and now, knowing he could have lost her, Cassian had always known deep down that they weren’t going to have some long, drawn-out, beautiful first time together. It was always going to be rough, passionate, intense, messy.

Jyn’s breath shuddered out, and he watched her closed eyes, her full, open mouth, as she adjusted to him. (He hoped she liked how he felt.) Her hair hung loosely around her face, and Cassian had never seen anything so beautiful in the entire galaxy.

Jyn’s legs clamped tight around his waist, pulling him so tight to her, he could barely move. He was aware, too, that they were literally doing this in a ’fresher, so consumed by their feelings for one another that they couldn’t even make it to the bed just steps outside. Jyn finally loosened her grip on him, clasping her hands loosely behind his neck and relaxing her ankles, and Cassian didn’t even think, his aching body immediately thrusting up hard into the depths of hers, his lips going for the crook of her neck and sucking. Her body moved up and down against the wall with each hard thrust of his hips, and she took every one, and her noises were of pleasure.

“I’m never gentle,” he said as he worked her neck. “Before, you said I could be. I’m not. I can’t be.”

Jyn grasped him by the hair and pulled him back to look her in the eye. Hers were dazed and full of lust. “I wouldn’t have you any way other than the way you are.”

He kissed her again, and he thought he might die.

The brothel had always had trouble with its air/con, and in the closed ’fresher, Cassian had already begun to sweat. His grip on her naked back began to slip, and he readjusted to get a better grip before turning them both to the counter and setting her down on it. The new angle was ecstasy, and he wanted to come so badly.

Soon, Cassian looked up from kissing Jyn’s body and into the mirror, the room dim from the one small glowpanel set into the wall by the mirror for safety. He saw their bodies moving together with each thrust, Jyn’s legs open around him. It was incredibly erotic, and he wished she could see it. He struggled to hold on as he watched them together. The ache in him was too much. She felt exquisite.

“You’re so tight,” he breathed as he slowed his pace, trying to hold off his climax. Inside his chest, his heart pounded relentlessly. “So wet.”

Cassian didn’t usually talk during sex. He usually kept quiet, except to check in and be considerate. But with Jyn, everything was different. Everything _felt_ different.

“You feel good, too,” she said, curving one hand around his neck and bringing her right foot up and planting it on the counter. It opened her up to him more, changing the way she felt around him.

He wasn’t going to last much longer, and his face clenched up in frustration. She needed to come first, but he didn’t have much control left in him.

Abruptly, Cassian pulled out, eliciting a gasp from Jyn. He hooked his arms under her thighs and brought her closer to the edge of the counter as he bent over to put his mouth on her. When she gasped again, then started to make more noises, he knew she was close. Cassian only rubbed his tongue against her and sucked her clit for a couple minutes before he straightened back up and pushed slowly into her again. Then he leaned over her face, pressed his wet lips to hers, and kissed her slow and deep.

“Come to me, Jyn,” he whispered as his middle and ring fingers circled her clit. “Come _for_ me.”

They continued kissing as she got closer, as her body tightened, as she began to breathe shorter and shallower. When she pulled away and closed her eyes, and she clenched him tighter, Cassian increased the speed of his fingers.

Force, he wanted her to come on him, all over his hard cock, _so fucking badly_.

And as soon as she did, he was going to come inside her, too.

Jyn sucked in a sharp breath, her body going completely rigid, fists clenched as she teetered on the edge…and then she came strong, squeezing his cock tight like a vise and holding back a scream through it. She became impossibly wetter, soaking him, soaking his thighs and hand, and as he fucked her as hard as he could – because he could no longer make love to her, and they hadn’t even been gentle from the start anyway – his climax closing in on him, he asked, and he begged silently for her to say _yes_ ,

“Can I come in you?”

And she did, she said, “Yes,” her voice breathy and sexy, she said, “Yes, _please_ ,” and he groaned to hear her words and the want and desire barely contained within them. His hands hurt holding his weight on the countertop as he thrust a few more times to get there finally and get off, and he forgot himself and where they were as he cried out and spilled inside her, filling her up with all his passion and his love and everything he had to give her.

They didn’t move in the stillness afterward, Jyn slumped on the countertop and Cassian holding himself up by locked arms, both breathing unevenly. Finally, after a long while, Jyn passed her hand across his sweaty brow and around his cheek, and he stepped back, easily slipping out of her. He pulled her to him, felt his release hot and slick run down their thighs, didn’t care, and closed his eyes. He tenderly wrapped his arms around her shoulders, as she did the same to him.

Then he rested his cheek against the top of her head, her hair so soft, and he breathed out a sigh of contentment.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *SPOILER ALERT* THERE WILL BE MORE SEX.  
>  
> 
> (9/3/18: And as stated above, this is getting rewritten sometime soon. See my blog for updates!)  
> (9/6/18: Rewritten! Yay!!)

**Author's Note:**

> Follow me on [tumblr](http://thestarbirdfromtheashes.tumblr.com) for lots of RebelCaptain stuff and snippets of my WIPs!


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